Random Topic: Stories (would like your opinion)

[Dean Winchester]

I want some opinions on my writing. I don't think I'm good, but I want to see what other people think. So here is one of my stories.
(side note: one character is not mine)




“Where are they?” Henry asked James as they ran through the forest. “We can’t lose them this time!” Henry was a very handsome man. He was tall and dark. His wavy brown hair just passed his ears and had piercing blue eyes. He was wearing a formal, blood red top (not tucked in of course), black jeans, and he always wore a cross around his neck. He wasn’t a normal man though. Henry was a vampire, sent to the mortal world to rid the place of the demons that escaped from the Next World.
“I think I saw them run down to the river,” said James. “I think their headed to their hide out.” James was a very thin boy. He had short cut hair and bright green eyes. He wore a white t-shirt and a torn up pair of blue jeans. He was a human on the other hand. Henry found him laying on the streets of the city and thought that he could be of some use instead of begging for money.
The two of them ran through the forest dodging tree branches, bushes and the occasional bird that flew in front of their face. That night, the moon was full and creatures of all kinds were running amuck. Henry tried to focus on the things he was after and not about his surroundings, besides James though. Henry thought of James as a brother and was always worried about him and where he was. Sometimes James thought that Henry was too controlling and seemed like a father more than a brother.
Henry and James finally made it to the river after about ten minutes of sprinting. They looked around and saw nothing. They saw no movement and heard no sound. Henry gestured for James to stay put as he went to look down the river. James did as he was told and stayed where he was. He did look around the small area though. As James looked around he saw something twinkle in the moon light. He picked it up and examined it. His eyes widened as he realized was it was.
“Henry!” cried James as he ran down the river towards Henry. “Henry, look what I’ve found!”
“What are you doing? I told you to stay put!” Henry said as James approached him with his hand stretched out to him. “This better be good.”
“It’s a piece of metal from the thing we’re chasing.”
“How are you so sure?”
“Look! It has the symbol on it”
“Let me take a look.” Henry took the piece of metal from James’ hand and looked at it closely. Henry noticed the symbol as well and put it in his pocket.
“We’re not dealing with ordinary creatures this time, Henry,” said James as Henry looked back at him. “These are more advanced and I think we should go back to the base and get some more help. We don’t know how strong these creatures are now that we know that they have metal body parts. They could be three times as strong as we are!”
“You are right, James. Let’s go back to the city and get some sleep. In the morning we can recruit more people and come back and search. Now let’s go before those things come after us instead.”
At that, James and Henry started back to the city. They walked through the forest and examined all the strange and bizarre creatures running about. Some were small and sneaky, others were huge and loud. Henry caught eyes with one of the creatures. This one was small and seemed to be frightened. It looked like a wolf creature, but a little more fragile. Henry stopped and looked at it for a few moments longer. The creature stood up and started to slowly make its way to Henry. As the small animal was at Henrys feet, he kneeled down and pat its head. James was curious as to what was going on so he knelt down beside Henry and this creature.
“What are you doing?” asked James in a calm voice.
“He’s injured and weak. I say we take him with us.”
“Uh, sure. As long as you can trust it not to eat us in the middle of the night.”
“Does this little creature look like it can eat you? It’s not even up to my knees.”
“You make a valid point, Henry.”
“Don’t I always?”
“Touché.”
Henry picked up the small wolf type creature and started to walk back to the city with James. When they finally made it back to the apartment, Henry laid the wolf onto the couch. James went to get some bandages for the wolfs leg and also got some water for it. Henry took the bandages from James and started to wrap up the wounded leg as James gave it some water.
“Are we going to name him?” asked James
“You can name him if you want.”
“Hmm, I think I will name him Vince.”
“Ha-ha! Sweet. I like it.”
Henry finished bandaging up Vince’s leg and gave him some left over steak. James went to bed a little early, but Henry stayed up for a bit longer to make sure that Vince would be alright. Henry laid down on the other couch and watched Vince sleep. His breathing was steady and he seemed really calm. “We did him some good.” Henry whispered to himself as he fell asleep on the couch.
The next morning, Henry was woken up by the smell of food cooking and Vince licking his face. As Henry opened his eyes, he let out a gasp and shot straight up. James laughed and Vince looked like he had a goofy smile on his face. Once Henry realized what was going on, he laughed as well and pet Vince on his head. As Henry stood up and stretched, he was offered some eggs and toast. “Thanks,” said Henry as he accepted the meal. “It looks delicious.”
Henry sat down at the kitchen table and ate his eggs and toast in a matter of minutes. James was still at the stove making his eggs, and Vince was at James’ feet begging for some food. “Do you like eggs?” James asked Vince as he bent down to give Vince some. It was gone in a heartbeat and Vince looked up at James with another goofy smile on his face.
“Ha-ha! I’ll take that as a yes,” said Henry as he finished his last bite of toast. “Ok, hurry up and eat, James. We need to get some more people to go after the things we were going after last night.”
“Alright,” said James as he sat down at the table. “But who will we get?”
“Erica would most likely come. Danica, Dante, Zaina, and Xhaiden.”
“Are you sure they will come?”
“Yes, I’m sure. They’ll drop everything for a chance to go on a hunt. Now hurry up and eat.”
James finished his breakfast, grabbed his jacket and was out the door with Henry and Vince. Henry was amazed that Vince didn’t go running off and stayed by his side. He was amazed that Vince already responded to his name. They walked down to the basement of the apartment and looked around for Danica first. She was most likely studying in the basement. She’s always interested in something and always wants to figure out what it means. She’s the smartest of the group. Surely enough, James and Henry found Danica in the basement at a table with at least six books open.
“Hey Danica! We need to ask you a favour,” said Henry as he approached with James and Vince at his side. Danica was very pretty. Honey golden eyes and flowing brown hair. She was slim and athletic. She was a nice height for a woman and she was very graceful in her movements. She wore a soft brown top that accented her skin, a skirt that was half way to her knees, and knee high boots. She stood up and asked Henry, “And what would this favour include?”
“It would include you dropping your books for a while and helping me and James catch some creatures.”
“Alright, I’m up to it. I’ll leave my books for a bit so we can hunt down your creatures. When and where do you want to meet?”
“Meet at the front entrance in half an hour. Me and James need to get a few more people.”
Henry and James left the basement and went to the café down the street where they would find Erica. They entered the café and found Erica sipping on a coffee while texting someone on her cell phone. She was a short girl. Black hair that covered her eyes and very pale skin. Her eyes were a dark ocean blue and she was wearing a black top, jeans and a pair of black sneakers. As Henry, James and Vince entered the café, Erica greeted them with a hug and a kiss on the cheek. She was very friendly, but you wouldn’t think that by looking at her.
“Hey guys! What are you doing here? And who is this little fella?” Erica said as she bent down to pet Vince.
“We need your help with something,” said Henry. “We need you to come with us and catch a few creatures whom been attacking the civilians.”
“Ha-ha! I’m up for that!” Erica said as she jumped up with a big smile on her face. Henry smiled back and told her the time and place to meet and then Erica went back to her coffee. Henry, James and Vince left the café and went to look for Dante. He would most likely be at his place sleeping because of the major partying he did the night before, and the night before that, and the night before that. They went to his apartment and James banged on his door. Dante answered the door looking half dead. He was about Henrys height and wearing nothing but a pair of jeans and a pendant around his neck. His white hair messed up covering most of his face. Dante was twenty-five years old, so what more could you expect?
“Hey guys, what’s up?” asked Dante as he leaned against the door frame for support. “Did I do something wrong? ‘Cause if I did, I can make up for it.”
“No, you’re not in trouble. It’s me, Henry”
“Oh! Ok, yeah, yeah, yeah what can I do for you?”
“You could help me and James find some creatures that need to be terminated.”
“I’m up for it.”
Henry told Dante what he had to do and where to meet, and then left him to go get a shower. Henry, James and Vince went to go get Zaina and Xhaiden whom where most likely doing something together seeing as they are brother and sister and do everything together. Henry, James and Vince went to find them at the graveyard. Zaina and Xhaiden liked to stay there, talking next to their father’s tomb stone. They lost their father about 3 years ago when he was slaughtered by something that the police and military could never find. Zaina still cries over it. Henry found Zaina and Xhaiden by their father’s tomb stone sharing memories about him.
“Hey you two! Mind if I ask a favour?” Henry said as he approached.
“Sure, what is it?” replied Xhaiden as he stood up. He was an athletic guy. Very tone and his hair was fairly short. His eyes changed colours but they remained hazel for most of the time. He wore green shorts that went down to his knees, sandals, a brown shirt and a white baseball cap.
“Would you two like to come on a hunt with me and James?
“Are you up to it?” Xhaiden asked Zaina.
“Yeah, it’s all good to me.” Replied Zaina. She was a skinny girl, but very tough. She was a fast runner as well. She wore a pair of light blue jeans, sneakers, and a black long-sleeve shirt. Her red hair was flowing passed her hips and her eyes were a deep green.
“Alright, meet at the apartment entrance in a couple of minutes,” said Henry as he left with James and Vince right behind him. The three of them headed back towards the apartment. As they got there, they saw Danica and Erica already ready to go. Vince ran over to Erica and jumped onto her before she could notice he was coming. Erica fell over and Vince had another goofy smile on his face as if to say, “look what I did!” James ran over to Erica and pulled Vince off of her and helped her stand.
“Don’t you have a leash for him or something?” asked Danica.
“Why would we do that?” replied James as he looked up to Danica.
“So he wouldn’t jump on people.”
As Danica said those words, James let go of Vince and whispered in the wolfs ear, “go get her!” Vince ran over to her with his tongue hanging out of his mouth and pounced on her, knocking her over onto the ground. James, Henry and Erica laughed as Danica tried to get the wolf off of her stomach. When Danica managed to fight Vince off of her, Dante, Zaina and Xhaiden appeared. When Vince noticed they were coming, he once again sped off to go jump on someone, most likely Zaina. As Vince reached Zaina and was about to pounce, Zaina put her hand out in front of the wolfs face and that made him come to a stop.
“That’s a good boy,” Zaina said as she pet Vince’s head.
“Is everyone ready?” Henry asked everyone.
“We’re all ready by the looks of it,” said Xhaiden as he looked around at everyone. “Let’s start going now.”
Everyone grabbed their weapons and everything they needs and started to follow Henry and James to the forest. Vince seemed to take a liking to Zaina and stayed by her as she chatted with her brother. Henry didn’t say a word as they made their way to where the forest lay. James was wondering if Henry was in deep thought or he was worried for what may happen.
They finally reached the forest by mid-day. The sun was hidden behind storm clouds. The clouds were the only reason why Henry could be out walking seeing as he was a vampire. They entered the forest and started to take out the weaponry that they needed. James thought that they wouldn’t need it so early, but they took it out just as a precaution. Henry of course didn’t us any weapons; he just went in with his bare hands.
When they finally got close to where Henry and James were chasing those creatures, Danica was complaining about how her feet were sore and how she didn’t wear the right shoes for this type of walking.
“No one is carrying you if that’s what you’re implying,” said Xhaiden as he passed by her with Zaina and Vince. “Maybe you should pick a more comfortable pair of shoes next time.”
“I wasn’t saying that I wanted someone to carry me! I was just stating that this is a really long walk”
“Yeah? Well it’s a long walk that the rest of us can manage without complaining. Suck it up princess, and start walking.”
Zaina looked back at Danica with a small smirk on her face. Danica just gave her a snobby look then continued walking, well, it was more like strutting. It was evening now and they finally reached the river. Henry stopped and looked around to see if there was anything he found suspicious. Henry took out the piece of metal from his pocket and let Vince sniff it. When Vince got the smell, he started moving around the forest like a snake, going in between tress, and through bushes. He got to the edge of a cave and picked his nose off the ground and froze in front of it. He then turned around to face Henry and then came back to him.
“Alright, we’ve found them,” said Henry. “I’ll go in first, and then you guys follow.”
“I think we can manage that,” said Erica in reply.
Henry looked at her, nodded and then went in and the rest of the group followed in slowly. Henry stopped about twenty yards into the cave when he noticed that he was surrounded in darkness with no way of anyone else to see. Henry could see on the other hand. “Danica?” he whispered, but there was no answer. He called out ever name of all the people who came, but no one answered. He then heard breathing. His fists tightened and he listened more closely. He heard footsteps coming up behind him. He heard low growls of the creatures in the cave. Henry turned around and looked for the creature that was stalking him. Henry heard more footsteps. The stench of blood filled the air of the cave and as he looked down he noticed that he was stepping on piles of bones.
Henry heard a loud heart beat, and he felt breathing on the back of his neck. He lashed back at the creature and hit its neck. Henrys eyes widened as he felt a jolt of pain go through his arm. Henry grabbed the arm he hit the creature with and looked up at the creature. He then noticed that this creature was part werewolf part cyborg. The half cyborg then flung itself at Henry, but he managed to dodge the attack and run behind the cyborg. As Henry was behind the creature, he dug his fingers into the shoulder that was flesh. He hit so hard that his nails drew blood and the cyborg let out a howl. The cyborg flung its arm back at Henry, but ducked down to dodge. At that moment, time seemed to stand still. Sounds from the cyborg were muffled and Henrys eyes turned black as he charge after the creature with his arms throwing punches. The creature hit Henrys arm and cut it, leaving a gash that was half-way to the bone.
Henry winced and then continued fighting. He heard more footsteps. He quickly turned around and as he did, another cyborg drove its claws into Henrys stomach. Henry let out a scream of pain and anger. He wasn’t ready to quit yet though. Henry took the claws of the second creature out of his stomach, ducked down and grabbed a small knife that was tucked in his boot. He always took it with him just as a precaution. As Henry was low to the ground, he slashed the legs of the second cyborg and it fell to the ground in pain. Henry then stabbed it in the head, jumped on its back and pulled out wires that helped the thing function.
“One down, two to go.” Said Henry as he took the knife out of the cyborgs head and jumped up. Henry looked around and didn’t see the other cyborg that was here first. He clutched the knife in his right hand and started to walk towards another tunnel in the cave. He heard more breathing ahead of him so he continued walking. He then heard crying. It was a girl. Henry started to run and called out, “Who’s there?”
“It’s me!” replied the girl.
“’Me’ isn’t very descriptive. Give me a name!” Henry yelled.
“Zaina! It’s Zaina!”
Henry approached her and kneeled next to her. “Where is everyone else?” He asked.
“I don’t know! We saw a creature, and fought it. It killed Danica! Dante got knocked out, but the creature didn’t touch him after that. And it wounded Erica! Me and Xhaiden were going to run, but we tried to help Erica as well. Before we could get to her though, it got her, but it didn’t kill her. I hear her screams every now and again.”
“James and Vince?” Henry asked.
“I – I thought they were with you.”
“DANG IT!” yelled Henry as he stood up and kicked a rock across the cave. “Where could they be!?”
“Keep yelling and everyone will hear you.”
“Wait, where did Xhaiden go?”
“I don’t know. I lost him too.”
“OK, let’s go. We need to find Xhaiden, James, Vince and Dante, and then rescue Erica while trying to kill the two last cyborgs.”
Henry helped Zaina up off the cave floor, and then they went to look for the rest of the group. Zaina held onto Henrys arm so she wouldn’t lose him as well. Henry led Zaina through the twisting and turning tunnels of the cave. Henry looked into spaces and corners of the cave, not managing to see anyone.
“Help me!” screamed a voice from off in the distance. Henry and Zaina rushed towards where the screaming came from. Henry suddenly stopped before he hit a turn and put his back to the wall. He heard footsteps coming his way. As he heard the footsteps right at the other wall, he stuck and arm out and the thing smacked it’s head on Henrys arm and fell to the ground.
“Jeez! What was that for?” said the thing on the ground. Henry took a better look and noticed that it was Xhaiden.
“Oh, I thought it was another cyborg,” said Henry as he helped Xhaiden to his feet. “How did you get separated from Zaina?”
“I was running away from the cyborg that killed Danica and took Erica, and I thought Zaina was behind me. Then when I looked back, I couldn’t see her there at all.” Xhaiden replied as he looked at Zaina. Zaina quickly let go of Henry, ran over to her older brother and gave him a hug. Henry then started walking again to find the other two creatures. Xhaiden and Zaina followed close behind.
Henry froze. He heard Erica scream again. Henry started to jog towards the noise, and Xhaiden and his sister jogged behind him. Henry took the knife he used to kill the other cyborg out and clutched it in his hand. Zaina got scared. She lost her weapons and she wasn’t that good with hand to hand combat. Xhaiden knew this. He got nerves. He didn’t want to lose his sister. Zaina was the only family he had left. Henry signalled for the two of them to slow down as they approached a turn in the tunnels.
Once they were at the turn, Henry signalled for the other two to stay there while he went out. Just before Henry turned the corner, he heard footsteps, fast footsteps, like someone was running. He then heard more footsteps, once again they were fast. Henry stood still for a moment. He then heard gun fire from about 3 yards away, and Zaina let out a scream and covered her head. Dante then ran by them, running backwards and firing off his guns. Dante hit the wall and continued firing as the cyborg ran at full speed towards Dante. When the creature was almost at Dante, he dived out of the way and the creature hit the wall.
“Oh, hi guys,” said Dante as he lay on the ground looking up at Henry, Zaina and Xhaiden. “Did you get any others?”
“Yeah, I killed one a little while ago. And I think you should make sure that one is dead before it starts moving again,” replied Henry
“Oh, yeah I think I should.” Dante stood up and put a few rounds into the cyborgs head. Dante smirked as he put his gun into its case, which was attached to his belt. He turned around looked at Zaina and Xhaiden and asked, “And where in the world did you two run off to?”
“We ran to get away,” replied Zaina in a low voice.
“Get away? And leave me to die? I got knocked out; my head still hurts from the hit. So you decided to just leave me there?”
“Dante, we ...”
“Forget it,” Dante turned around and started walking. “I know where the last one is.”
Henry followed Dante and looked back at Xhaiden and Zaina. He made shivers go down Zainas spine. Henry was always about team work, he never left anyone behind. Henry walked next to Dante to where the last cyborg was keeping Erica. They passed another by another tunnel. As they passed by, Henry looked in and saw Danica’s dead body. Henry stopped for a moment and looked at her. She lay still on the cold ground. Henry wanted to go over to her, but Dante grabbed his arm and said, “Come on, we tried to save her. We have to save Erica now.” Henry nodded and continued walking with Dante, Xhaiden and Zaina.
Dante lead the way towards where the creature was keeping Erica. They kept hearing screams of Erica. The screams got louder as they proceeded down the tunnels. Dante stopped before they turned another corner.
“Right after this corner is where the creature is. Erica should be just there,” Dante said to Henry. “Would you like to go first, Henry?”
Henry didn’t need to be asked twice. He slowly turned the corner looking all around him for the creature. Henry saw Erica on the ground. Her legs seemed to be broken; the reason why she couldn’t move. Henry didn’t see the last cyborg so he ran towards Erica, ready to pick her up and get her to safety. Henry ran. He was almost at her, but then the last creature came out of a hole in the wall and hit Henry across the face, making him fall down. Henry felt a bit dizzy from the hit, but he managed to get to his feet fast enough to dodge the second attack.
Dante came into the fight with his knife in his hand. He raced towards the creature with stunning speed and tried to puncture it with the weapon. The creature dodged Dante’s attack, but it wasn’t fast enough to dodge Henry’s. Henry managed to strike the cyborg in the stomach. The cyborg howled in pain and lashed out at Henry. Henry got hit, once again, on the face. He had claw marks running down his cheek and his neck and his hair was stained with his blood.
Henry’s eyes turned black as he jumped for the creature, showing his fangs as he fell and stabbed the creature in the neck. Dante managed to get on the cyborgs back. The creature twisted and turned, trying to get Dante off its back, but it didn’t manage. Dante took his knife and tried to cut the wires on its head. The creature spun around violently. Dante slipped, driving the knife into his left hand. Dante let out a scream of pain.
Henry quickly looked at Xhaiden and Zaina. “Get Erica and get out! Now!” Henry yelled to them. Henry frightened Zaina. She had never seen him like this before. Zaina just kept remembering that Henry was on her side, and not to worry. Zaina and Xhaiden lifted Erica up and they quickly left towards the exit. Henry put his focus back onto Dante and the cyborg.
Dante pulled the knife out of his hand and quickly got over the fact that he had a hole in his palm. He took his knife and cut the wires that were on the back of the cyborgs head. The cyborg fell to the ground and Dante sat on its back as if it were a horse. Dante looked up at Henry. Henry signed for Dante to get up so they could go look for James and Vince.
Dante stood and he and Henry ran off to look for James and Vince. They ran through the twists and turns of the cave. Henry stopped and stood. He heard something; a small noise off in the distance. It sounded like crying. Henry started to run towards the weeping with Dante close behind him. As he ran, the crying got louder and louder. Henry was finally able to recognize that the cry was coming from James. Henry turned the corner, and there was James and Vince. James was sitting in a corner with his head buried in his legs, and Vince was lying down next to him.
“James!” Henry yelled as he ran to James and wrapped his arms around him. “Are you ok?”
“I’ve been better,” James replied as he wiped the tears from his eyes.
“Come on, we’ve got rid of the creatures. Let’s go home.” Henry helped James off the ground and called Vince to walk with them.
Henry, James, Dante and Vince all left the cave. They met up with Zaina, Erica and Xhaiden outside. Zaina was sitting with Erica and Xhaiden was sitting on the ground.
“Hey guys, our work here is done. We can head home now and get some rest,” said Henry as he picked up Erica. “We got a long walk ahead of us, so let’s get going.”
Henry, Erica, Vince, Zaina, James and Vince headed back towards the city. It was the middle of the night now, and the moon was glowing. Erica fell asleep in Henrys arms, and Zaina was leaning on Xhaiden for support. The fighting was over and the blood had been spilled, so there was no more to do. Well, that is, for now there isn’t anything to do .......


(yes I know this story is long, but tell me what you think)