Please help ID this "downtown" parody!

This is a parody which a friend and I listened to about 18 years ago! (wow! that long?)

It is a Parody of the Petual Clark Hit "Downtown"


DOWNTOWN ORIGINAL LYRICS:

How can you lose? The lights are much brighter there...
You can forget all your troubles; forget all your cares, and go
Downtown -- things will be great when you're
Downtown -- you'll find a place for sure
Downtown -- everything's waiting for you

Downtown .... Downtown...

Don't hang around, and let your problems surround you,
There are movie shows
Downtown

THE PARODY LYRICS (as I remember them)
(how can you lose) right there where some wino slept...
There's some puke and some dog **** so watch where you step

Downtown--you can hock your guitar
Downtown--someone just stole my car
Downtown--someone is following you

Downtown...Downtown...

Don't hang around and let the muggers surround you
there are live sex shows.

Downtown.

(that is all i can remember)

I have seriously looked all over for this song. I know that Allan Sherman did a song "Crazy Downtown" and that is NOT it! Any help is appreciated! I am making a film and would love to find that recording!

Thank you!

I know this isn't the exact song you were looking for but its lyrics are to the same effect?

Its by Stray Pooch
When you're alone and life is making you lonely, you can always go - downtown.
Where all the drunks and all the pushers and junkies want to steal your dough - downtown.
Just listen to the orders of the mugger as he robs you.
Linger on the sidewalk and you'll see a passing slob who
begs for a dime.
The lights are all shot out there.
You're likely to end your evening in intensive care,
when you're . . .

Downtown, where you can see the sights.
Downtown, don't you love urban blight?
Downtown, you won't survive the night there.

Don't hang around when you hear that gunshot sound, best not be movin' slow - downtown.
Maybe you know a little place you can go with dirty movie shows - downtown.
Abandoned buildings burning like a giant supernova,
Step into the crosswalk and they'll surely run you over.
How can you win?
It's easy to score some crack,
But when you reach for your wallet, you'd best watch your back
when you're . . .

Downtown, Salvation Army stores.
Downtown, Iron bars on all the doors.
Downtown, get caught up in gang wars now.

INSTRUMENTAL INTERLUDE

And you may find somebody blind who you can steal some change from.
Maybe if you're lucky you will hear a wild, deranged bum,
Screaming at you . . .
Hey, didn't I see you there?
Weren't you the one dressed in fishnets, with dark facial hair
I saw . . .

Downtown, homeless in bathoom stalls,
Downtown, hate slogans on the walls,
Downtown, screw it, let's hit the malls now!!

you are the best! it is so close to what i have been looking for...i just have to find the recording now! thank you!!!!!