the way of love

[cyvan]

hey peaple, I just started with songwriting, so I hoped that you peaple could read my first lyrics and rate it.
and if it could tell me what can be better.

------------------------------------------------------------------------

the way of life

The first time I saw you
I didn’t know what to do
Then you looked to me
I couldn’t count till three
And then I looked in your eyes
I saw the paradise

I walked to you
So I wasn’t like other fools
Who stand on the sideline
And didn’t dare to say hi

Chorus:
You’re into me
I hope to get into you
So baby tell me what I got to do
So you will love me too
Love me too OH YEAH.

Now I wanted to ask you out
But I didn’t dare to say it out loud
That’s why I wrote this song
And because I know we belong
To each other
Like no other

Chorus

Please baby I’m begging
Please baby I’m singing
Will you please go out with me
I hope you think it’s a great idea

Baby all I want to say
And it gets stronger every day
Is I love you
so please tell me what I got to do
to make you love me too

Chorus

Baby please give me a chance
Come on and dance
With me
So baby you can see
Who is the real me

[tackpic_47]

(suggested-verse)

Why wouldn't you wanna take the time
to un-wind
and find
what other people woundn't find
in a life time
(its a little wordy but like a true writer you can fix it.)

....but all in all...its a good song...is it fast or slow!

[sophieB]

It's alright for a first time songwriter, I've just started, so Im in the same position .I would suggest, maybe using a thesaurus so your words are more detailed and complex, the use of words are a bit easy, but STILL good. If it was my song, I would cut out the bit "that's why I wrote this song" it sounds a bit cheesy, keep writing, good job and good luck x

[cyvan]

(suggested-verse)

Why wouldn't you wanna take the time
to un-wind
and find
what other people woundn't find
in a life time
(its a little wordy but like a true writer you can fix it.)

....but all in all...its a good song...is it fast or slow!

the main part is a fast, but the choris is seposed to be slow.