broken heart song, please review thanks :(

[Experimentalist]

someone must be to blame
but i can only lay
this at my door

another time another place
and it could be so differrent
but you know im sure

that its not you its me
and i will always be
who i want and i know

just cus the air that i breathe
is different dont mean
that i could be yours

bridge
it just seems to me
that this is a bad dream
one thats full of pain
you say its just a game, well

i dont wanna play anymore
my heart is on the floor
broken but still beating

lately life is such a chore
what was once love is now war
however fleeting

[schism206]

For me, it's hard to review something like this, because it's pretty heavy stuff. But I will say this, I sense sincerity. Like this line a lot:
"what was once love is now war
however fleeting"

[Doug Denslowe]

After rereading this,I found the rhyme,I seek in good song lyrics!What's the rhythm of this?this is very original,and gets better every time I read it.Better than good,somewhere between great and unusual.

[Experimentalist]

hi Doug, thanks for the review, the guitar is similar to where is my mind by the pixies. I will get a recording of it and post soon!