what do you guys think about these lyrics?

[DeShaun]

i'm brand new here but i'm a pretty responsible dude. DeShaun's lyrics now:

leave your head,
look inside your heart
feel what unites us

we may be

seeing how we differ in our ways
but i don't believe this is our

final purpose

set aside my time with you has
been so good for me
care to discuss

our baby

don't you think he'll want his momma round
in the same house with

his daddy

oh what to say
should he want to know one day
why we parted

was it over him

can it be he'll understand our ways
lord i pray he feels only

absolute love

[mexico62]

Hi DeShaun, I don´t know the other friends on ATL think of this, I´m not a musician, but I liked the lyrics and it sounded so tender and hard to talk about this theme, hope you don´t have this problem in real life, because it must be so difficult to have a baby and at the same time stay apart from the one that you love.
I imagine the song slow, maybe a ballad like Bread band. Hope you can play it in a video to enjoy properly.
And I think that you must think in a title, I vote for "our baby is not guilty".

[DeShaun]

Hi DeShaun, I don´t know the other friends on ATL think of this, I´m not a musician, but I liked the lyrics and it sounded so tender and hard to talk about this theme, hope you don´t have this problem in real life, because it must be so difficult to have a baby and at the same time stay apart from the one that you love.
I imagine the song slow, maybe a ballad like Bread band. Hope you can play it in a video to enjoy properly.
And I think that you must think in a title, I vote for "our baby is not guilty".

Thank you very much, Mexico62. I greatly appreciate your remarks. I will adopt your title suggestion. I do not have a baby nor am I even in a long term relationship, much less one that is on the straights. I was only trying to practice writing verses that would cohere thematically, and to this end, the story told in my lyrics came out of that.
Thanks again. Have a great day Mexico62.

[Doug Denslowe]

De,I just noticed you've received over 300views in four days!That in itself must be some kind of record!I replied on your other song,but with these numbers why you haven't received more feedback is beyond me!

[DeShaun]

Thank you Doug. I hadn't even looked at the traffic numbers. It's encouraging of you to point them out in this way. Maybe I'm too new yet.

[Doug Denslowe]

Too new and Too Cool!Stay that way!

[Mixalopoulos]

De,I just noticed you've received over 300views in four days!That in itself must be some kind of record!I replied on your other song,but with these numbers why you haven't received more feedback is beyond me!

Hi Doug, thread views don't actually relate to member views, as guests can view any thread, but can't post on it.

[trueperfectionisimperfect]

Thats true mixalopoulos but its still a very impressive number and rightly so. You have done well here bud and i was wondering what tempo you would play it at so i could play it and hear it for myself.
Keep up the good work

[DeShaun]

Thank you for the encouragement, Trueperfectionisimperfect. I am big on verisimilitude in art, and so, I also appreciate your handle.
To tell you the truth, I was thinking of playing the song at this tempo http://yourlisten.com/channel/conten.../absolute_love but haven't figured out yet what meter exactly, or even how to sing those words effectively; so this is just a very very rough musical draft around the lyrics. Cheers