My Songs - I need tips!

[Kates_Agony]

Tell me if this is good! If not, give me tips

I've cried for so long
Tried so hard
But you, are you listening?
Are you listening to me?

Even though I never
Thought you'd go
Even though I never
Thought you'd lie
I'm standing here today
Wishing things weren't this way
I guess You'll never be able to see
But from now on you can call me agony

Pre Chorus:
Do you know what you did to me?
Did you know how hard that hit my soul?
Do you know why I'm bleeding here?
Why I'm crying out?

Chorus:
Help me fall
Lead me through this wall
Blocking all of my emotions
From running out
I can't take much more
You cry and say
It's me
What did I do?
What did I say?
You say
"I don't wanna let go
I don't want this to end like this"
But part of me just can't believe that

And I know, I know
You've been hurt before
But I know, I know
So have I

But you don't hear me
You don't understand
You don't see that
I want you to take me back

Pre Chorus:
Do you know what you did to me?
Did you know how hard that hit my soul?
Do you know why I'm bleeding here?
Why I'm crying out?
I wonder in the end if its me or you falling in this black hole.

Chorus:
Help me fall
Lead me through this wall
Blocking all of my emotions
From running out
I can't take much more
You cry and say
It's me
What did I do?
What did I say?
You say
"I don't wanna let go
I don't want this to end like this"
But part of me just can't believe that

Oh
So many days wasted
On you
But I'm sorry for what
I did
I never wanted it to end
I don't regret
A single word I said
But this pain is killing me now
And I just don't know
What I should do
Should I cry?
Should I beg?
Should I plead for you?

No!

I don't want to lose my faith
I don't want to waste away
I won't depend on just you
But I love you
I need you
So much I say is just lies
So why don't
You tell me...
Why?!

Take all my breath away
Leave me in the dust
Do what you want cause I'm not going back

Pre Chorus:
Do you know what you did to me?
Did you know how hard that hit my soul?
Do you know why I'm bleeding here?
Why I'm crying out?


Chorus:
Help me fall
Lead me through this wall
Blocking all of my emotions
From running out
I can't take much more
You cry and say
It's me
What did I do?
What did I say?
You say
"I don't wanna let go
I don't want this to end like this"
But part of me just can't believe that

[cara b]

You could be like an evanesence 2 its good

[chmybrain]

Yeah its a good song, hey i've got some lines for you. The part where u go

"I'm standind here today.
Wishing things weren't this way." You could like add two more lines to it like

"I guess u'll never be able to see"
"But from now on u can call me agony" and the Pre-chorus part the second

time u do it, you could go like "Do you know what you did to me?
Do you know why i'm bleeding here?
Did you know how hard that hit my soul?
I wonder in the end if its me or you falling in this black hole.
And this could be the guitar solo part or what not.

Just trying to help.

[Kates_Agony]

Took the advice, thanks. =) That was written two years ago... FYI, anyone recently reading this.

[atmaster]

I like the poetry but the format needs some clean-up to improve the flow. You have intermingled conversational and rhyming couplet formats in the same verses that cause the reader to stumble. The following are my suggested changes for a rhyming couplet format in the beginning of the song:


I'm standing here today
Wishing things weren't this way
Knowing you'll never see
Why you can call me agony.


Pre Chorus:
Do you know what you did to me?
How hard that hit my soul?
Do you know why I bleed?
Or my pain you can’t console?

The chorus starts great but trips over itself in the ending. The chorus ending has a rap “texture” to it that doesn’t fit the rest of the song. The only suggestion I have is to condense the “he said, she said” lines.

To me, the jewel of the poem is the line, "Why you can call me agony."
I would suggest naming the song, "Call Me Agony".