song i wrote...tell me wut u think

[elisabethrox312]

Sometimes I feel alone
Sometimes I just don’t feel
Every other time
I just think about what really happened
I can't believe the way he made me cry

He broke my heart
Stole my pride
Left me in a ditch just trying to survive
Who ever knew that 2 words
Could hurt so much?

When he looks at me
Would he ever see how much he had hurt me?
The breakup was bad,
The relationship was worse
I think about it whenever I see happy couples
How we argued whenever we talked
He ended it on our very last walk
We were working it out
He gave up
He wanted out

Just broke my heart
Stole my pride
Left me in a ditch
Just trying to survive
Who ever knew that 3 more words
Led a broken heart to freedom

When my new man looks at me
I see the love in his heart
And my reflection dancin in his eyes
He leans in
Giving me the vibe
There was a kiss
How long did it last
Before we broke apart?
3 years later…
We're still together
Happier then ever
We're 25 now
Yeah yeah, he…
Fixed my heart
Gave me pride
We're 25 just trying to survive
Who knew that his 4 next words could change our lives
He only wanted one word in reply

It's 3 am
And we're so happy
We can't wait
Until the first of May
For that’s our wedding day
We're alive
We can't wait
To die together
Because all we want is to be together forever
We're in a crash
Coming back from the honeymoon
The drunk driver was
My ex-boyfriend

Once again
He broke our hearts
Stole our pride
We're giving up
Just can't survive
I saw my life run past my eyes
Realized that my husband had died
I'm dying fast
I see him telling me that he loved me
After that all pain was gone
My life was over

With a broken heart
Stolen pride
In a ditch
Couldn't survive
We're just 25
We don't deserve the fate we got


tell me wut u think...and b honest

[emoskittle66]

I think it's really good. Theres a particular part I like, I'll quote it.

"Just broke my heart
Stole my pride
Left me in a ditch
Just trying to survive
Who ever knew that 3 more words
Led a broken heart to freedom
"
I like how line 2 and 3 rhyme, but the ending is suddenly blunt, it just sends the message. The song is beautiful, it's very clear with the story it's telling. there's some good imagery. But I would suggest organizing it a bit into chorus, verse, bridge and what not, and at some parts the rhyme patterns are completely random, but it might sound right with music added anyways. But yeah, I thought it was great.

[Jesses gurl]

its good.

[azimut]

... ...


"elisabethrox312" ... !!! ... Hi ... !!! ... *u*


I do not "know" how you "do" it ... however, it "feels" like SUCH an ... "up-beat" ... verse ... !!! ... !!! ... !!! ... when it is "really" a quite "heart-breaking" ... "story of love" ... !!! ... !!! ... !!! ... *u* ... !!! ... !!! ... !!! ...


I guess, what I am "left with", by your "verse" is ... "Love, with Pride" ... !!! ... !!! ... !!! ...


... and, THAT (and FOR "that") ... I "feel" the ATMOST "admiration" and "appreciation" ... !!! ... !!! ... !!! ...


Thank you for "sharing", with the rest of us ... ... ... !!! ... ... ...


Azim


... ...


.

[chmybrain]

Well its nice...so its gonna be what an unplugged song or a classic rock kinda song or what...

[lindsayalbert]

omg i love it!! your soo good at song written! i wish i could do that..

[elisabethrox312]

Originally Posted by chmybrain

Well its nice...so its gonna be what an unplugged song or a classic rock kinda song or what...

idk, probably like...rock, or emo...i havent really thought about it...maybe even country

[sheila]

Kinda fun, with the 2, 3, 4 "words"... But then I couldn't take the sad ending.