my first 2 Songs

[Liulkun]

Plz revew and tell me how they can be made better.

1. Life or Death

I’m falling,
Can't Breath,
I hear my calling,
Shouting my name!

My heart is still beating inside my chest,
Sucking in My last Breath,
Eyes set on my Ending,
Openly accepting Death

Nearer and nearer,
The Enemy is coming,
Am I Dreaming?
Is it to be?
Am I to die?
Standing here?
It is my time?
Or am I just asleep?

Can't Breath
No I Can't Breath
Can't Breath... (3 sec pause)
NO!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I WONT LIE DOWN!
WON’T LET YOU TAKE ME!
SO MUCH I HAVE YET TO DO IN MY LIFE!
F**K!!!

You will never take me down, "never!"
Never take me out "hey!"
Never Take my...LIFE!!!

LIFE




2. Misery

Alone in my world of misery,
Feeling the Life Draining away,
Alone all my life,

Seems to be...

When my Life Is over
Another Begins
With-out the sins,
The Problems of previous life,

Call and I won’t answer,
Cry and I won’t answer,
Fall and I won’t catch you,
I am gone and Never Coming back now!

Alone in my world of misery...
Alone in my world of misery...
Alone in my world of...MISERY!!!!
MISERY!!!!
MISERY!!!!
MIS..ER..Y!!!!

Call and I won’t answer
Cry and I won’t Answer
Fall and I won’t catch you,
I AM GONE AND NEVER COMING BACK NOW!!!

[Gawain2112]

Not bad. Pretty depressing in a sad suicidal way but i can feel the passion and anger in your lyrics. good job.

[lv*u*kaylz*u*lv]

hi not bad 4 ur first 2 songs theyre quite siucidal bt i still like em both

[Liulkun]

well, here is one more,
and i think of it as, reliseing stress

Queens And Kings

rip away my life,
Pull it from my corpse.
stinging my brain
with sucide notes!

you may call me a suicidal F**k,
Although i maybe,
But in my mind,
Im a Killer of queens,
A slayer of kings,
A Bringer of Death.

Rip Away my life,
Pull it from my corpse.
Singeing my brain,
with Death threats!

(suicidal f**k!)
no..
(suicidal f**k!)
no..
(suicidal f**k!)
no..
(suicidal...)
F**k you!

Im a killer of queens!
A slayer of Kings!
And every-thing in between!
An assason of hell,
cant you tell?

butcher,
executioner,
slaughterer,
all the same,
i've got my brain to blame for this nightmare of pain!

Rip away my life, (rip it away)
pull it from my corpse, (pull it away)
Shreading my brain,
with suicide.

Im a killer of queens,
a slayer of kings,
and every-thing between,
maybe even a Suicidal F**k!

YEA!

[Liulkun]

one more for this thred

* * = effects

ToBeDecided

this world is a mystery---
so much left to see---
dark times cloud my mind (my mind) (my mind)

Im Hiding inside!
My Mind you cant find!
Just Trying to find shelter!

*distorted*
i think im lost inside,
i dont know how to find,
those things ive lost inside...
*distorted-over*

this world is a mystery---
so much left to see---
dark times cloud my life (my life) (my life)

Im Hiding inside!
My Mind you cant find!
Just Trying to find shelter...

*distorted*
i think i can find,
those things i lost inside,
all i need is this vail,
*distorted-over*

lifted from my mind!

this world was a mystery---
theres no more left to see---
dark times try to cloud my mind (my mind) (my life)
I push them aside

[Gawain2112]

yeah, that ones wicked. good job

[Liulkun]

its a work in progress, plus it needs a name...

[Gawain2112]

how about behind closed doors, or lost haven

[Liulkun]

i might use something like that, goes with the song

[Gawain2112]

hey liulkun, whats your msn e-mail addy?