Lyrics

Devin K · 04-12-2007, 02:29 PM

First timer, im from Sweden and this is my firts time writing lyrics.
So please be nice, my english aint the best...
Here we go, tell me what you think...

| SLITHER |

LOOKING FOR THAT SINNER
LURKING LIKE A SLITHER
CREEPING IN YOUR CHAMBER
MAKING YOU FEEL LIKE A SISTER
YOUR NOTHING BUT A LOOSER

ITS TIME TO CRUCIFY YOUR SOUL
YOUR OUT OF CONTROL
FINDING NO LOOPHOLE
ITS TIME FOR THE LAST STROLL
ENDING UP AT THE GOAL

SENT FROM ABOVE
YOU CAN CALL ME HORROR
IM HERE TO TAKE ACTION
AGAINST ALL SINNERS
TURNING MY WINGS TO CLINCHERS

CONFESSIONS IN THE NIGHT WONT DO
SERIOUSLY, THERE WILL BE NO BREAKTHROUGH
IM SIMPLY HERE FOR THE COLLECTING
IT SHOULDNT BE THAT SHOCKING
ITS TIME FOR THE CLEANSING...

IM THE SLITHER IN YOUR CHAMBER CLOSE TO YOUR SOUL
HERE TO TAKE YOU BACK, IM ON A ROLL
MAKING ME WORTHY OF MY PAYROLL
TAKING YOU BACK AND COLLECT THE TOLL

©ROGER KRANTZ 2007

SpudMunky · 04-15-2007, 10:31 AM

Hi there! while it has potential to be a good song, it has the problem of it doesn't flow very well... it's like some of the lines have too many words or syllables in it for it to go into the next line, however this could just be the way that i'm reading it, also i find the first verse a bit forced and it doesn't make much sense but it does get better as it goes along, the rest seems to fit together better! Hope i've not been too harsh, my apologies if i have! All of my criticism could just be misplaced and for a first time at writing lyrics these are really good, and your English is also good so don't worry about it!

Devin K · 04-15-2007, 12:28 PM

Hey again, you are not harsh at all. My mom always say all criticism is good. Still dont know whats she is talking about

This is what i need, to hear what other think and how others look at the words and the meaning of it all...
I will try working on it...

Thanks!

SpudMunky · 04-15-2007, 06:37 PM

Hi! Glad you didn't think i was being harsh! I was a bit concerned that i might have been! Ah... I believe i've heard that phrase somewhere before... like from my mom! lol! Thats true! It's how we all improve! Glad i could help you! it doesn't need much work it's most the way there!