Sometimes I Wonder - first song!

[harmony079]

This is my first time writing songs, so please comment and critique! I want to know how I can do better!

Well I wrote 2 versions of the same song, to see which one I liked better. Tell me which one you like better!

Version 1:

I sit here thinkin of you,
and you dont even have a clue,

what,
I,
feel about it...

Now,
everytime you talk to me,
makes me restless,
everytime you send a smile my way,
sends me breathless,
and you gonna leave me here,
standin' hopeless

Sometimes I wonder,
Do you feel it to?
Sometimes I wonder,
Will you return the favor?

The air of you,
overpowers me,
cant help but feel,
whats inside of me,

Everytime I meet your eyes,
sends my heart,
beating off, inside

Everytime you talk to me,
makes me restless,
everytime you send a smile my way,
sends me breathless,
and you gonna leave me here,
standin' hopeless

Sometimes I wonder,
Do you feel it to?
Sometimes I wonder,
Will you return the favor?

The air of you,
overpowers me,
cant help but feel,
whats inside of me,

Everytime you talk to me,
makes me restless,
everytime you send a smile my way,
sends me breathless,
and you gonna leave me here,
standin' hopeless




Version 2:

Why do I sit here,
idle,
while you're out in the world,
heart's as free as a bird


Sometimes I wonder...
why...


I tremble when you talk to me,
my face is red
and my heart's poundin'
This feeling is overpowering me


But you can just leave me here,
feelin' hopeless...


Oh fall on me!
black raindrops
wash away my desires
and strip me of my hopes...


Well sometimes I wonder...
why..it is...


My sense is being weakened,
by your blind touch,
sweet lovesick feeling,
sweet lovesick feeling...


But,
of course,
you can just leave me here...
feelin' hopeless....

[lnn1990]

i like the first version better..
the only thing i would suggest is instead of saying "what, I, feel about it..."
you could write: how, i, feel about it.
its only a suggestion so you decide what you think is better for the song.
overall, really well done

[rcorbally2007]

i actualy realy like the second one better... altough i had to read them both four times to decide as they are both truely poeticly full of talent.. i have gone with the second one... well done! p.s if you read my lyrics and are going to leave feedback on them please do NOT leave me possitive feedback because i have with yours.... give me your opinion straight from the heart wether negative or possitive.
Thanks bro.