Someone Look these over

noaht12321 · 08-16-2007, 04:18 PM

Leaves Burnt By Autumn By Ash Red Saturday( Which is my band)

Sometimes I Break But No One Seems To Care.
I let this blood flow too freely.
Shadows don't show up where I stand.
I think I Don't belong with....

The End of the Earth is where I bleed.
Th End Of the Earth is Where I'm Free!

It's not my business, but what do you think,
about the darkness that I breath.
If I Showed you why I'm so different,
Than would you run away?

The End of the Earth is where I Bleed
The End of the Earth is where I'm Free!
The End Of Life Is As It Seems
The End Of Life Is What I Breed

Don't run away from darkness,
Embrace me and I will too.
If Shadows run your life,
Than I Can't Hurt You!!!!!!!!!!!

The End Of The Earth Is Where I Bleed
The End of the Earth is Where i'm Free!
The End of Life Is As It Seems
The End Of Life Is What I Breed

It won't Hurt Forever,
The Pain You Feel,
Love with Vampires Is all That's Real

The End Of The Earth Is Where I Bleed
The End of the Earth is Where i'm Free!
The End of Life Is As It Seems
The End Of Life Is What I Breed

*End of Song*
Scale of 1-10 1 bad 10 Good

blink182fan · 08-17-2007, 04:58 PM

hey man those lyrics are tight true to the heart its pretty catchy from the way that i sung it i really like it the only thing i didnt get was the end line the end of life is what i breed??? idk but hey thnx for posting comments on my lyrics man it really helped and it was a lot catchy after you corrected it thnx one love man

noaht12321 · 08-18-2007, 08:01 PM

That line means that the vampire kills people. Simple as that. But Thnx on commenting!

petrochik · 08-18-2007, 10:33 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by noaht12321

That line means that the vampire kills people. Simple as that. But Thnx on commenting!

The vampire? whose the vampire?

chapo84 · 08-19-2007, 02:37 AM

nice, I loved the seemless flow of your structure and rhyming through the whole song. Loved the dark feel to it aswell.

Just one thing, I think it would be better without

It won't Hurt Forever,
The Pain You Feel,
Love with Vampires Is all That's Real

I think the song would work better if you keep the vampire theme as an undertone without specifically mentioning it. just my thoughts anyway.

noaht12321 · 08-19-2007, 04:33 PM

THanx I'll ask the band about that

noaht12321 · 08-19-2007, 05:08 PM

Quote:

Originally Posted by petrochik

The vampire? whose the vampire?

The Vampire is the guy the whole song is about