tonight (?) work in progress PLEASE READ/COMMENT

[ksip87]

you shimmer when the sunlight hits you
did someone paint you gold,
or is that just your heart showing through?

either way I'd like to stop a while
and watch the sunset in your eyes
follow me
stay with me
dance with me
tonight

how do you do it every time
make me smile through the tears?
lie with me, and let the sun hit your smile
years go by without this much bliss, so many years

either way I'd like to stay for a while
and watch the sparkle in your eyes
run with me
laugh with me
kiss me
tonight

every time I'm down you push me higher than before
every breath we breathe together
is like an opening of every door

let's walk through and see where we find ourselves
together

Thats where I want to be
With you lying next to me
Beneath the trees

listen to my heart beat
every pulse pounds for you
it speeds up when we touch, and
I'm addicted to that rush

so either way I'd like to stay for a while
and hold the gaze of your eyes
i want you
i need you
i love you
tonight

[ksip87]

please comment, i really want feedback, good or bad

[Edmond33]

Dear Kisp87,

Hi

what can i say !!!

gooooooooood very nice poetry and very touched, i hope the person for who you wrot it will have a humain heart, if that belive me she (or he) will can not ignored your thrue feeling,
whatever, i love to muche this sentence : lie with me, and let the sun hit your smile
i hope that she or he lesten to your romatique soul
with my best regar