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Liulkun,
left alone,
deep beneath your feet,
hiden inside,
ashamed to be seen,
left alone,
yet still unreached,
The first three stanzas become unclear when it gets to "left alone, yet still unreached." Its confusing because if the narrator is left alone, then he is obviously unreached. You wrote "yet still unreached" as if you would expect to be reached if you were left alone. Being "unreached" is really a form of being "alone" so you are really just saying the same thing twice. Try to come up with more meaning as opposed to filler words.
I'm here for you...
for a time...
you'll see...
here i am,
draped in chains,
hold me down,
i've gone insain...
stay here...
or come with me..
into death my love...
its just you and me...
here i am,
draped in chains,
help me up..
am i ok...
the darkness in my mind has grown..
taking everying dear i hold...
for now i'll run away...
for theres hell to pay...
This next part jumps all over the place and I have no idea whats going on. First you're insane, then asking your love to die with you, then asking if you are ok. I can't really see a consistent message or meaning. If your purpose was to come up with a bunch of random lines, not meant for people to get a consistent message from, then you accomplished it. However, if you want to actually convey something try starting with a consistent idea.
Good luck in the future!
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chained with death or something
Linear Mode
