Did I even come close (not complete

[firstrays1]

hey everyone. this is my first serious attempt at writing lyrics. They are not finished yet but I want to know if im off to a good start. please tell me what you think. good and bad criticisms are welcome.

So many things, I had to tell you, now I've gone and missed my chance
And so many things, I had to show you, now it's all part of the past
Was It a dream, just a surreal story, did it ever really happen at all?
Somone tell me, did I even come, or was I always poised to fall? (Was I always poised to fall)

Everyday, I walk by, the places where we used to play
And everyday, Girl I cry, about the choice you have made
Girl with your smile, and your big green eyes, the ones I want so much
Girl you know your killin' me, and I'd kill just for your touch

(Unwritten Pre Chorus)

(Chorus)

My heart keeps draggin' me down this same ol' road, even though I say "No more!"
I think it goes in cirlces, I swear I've been here before

[Number9]

Especially nice chorus. I really like it. The rest is well written, but needs focus.
Think about what you're writing about instead of rhyming and getting the rhythm right (things which are doubtlessly important)

[firstrays1]

thanks. lol its funny you should say that about the those last 2 lines because that is not supposed to be the chorus, its supposed to be the beggining of the next verse. i just forgot to write "unwritten" before "chorus" i can make it the chorus though. thats a prety good idea. im not rhyming anything for the sake of rhyming i ahe when people do that, although if it seems like i am maybe i should try to make it more clear. i think the rythym is all good. it might seem off in spots but when u hear the music and the way its sung i think it would make sense. ok well thanks for posting