First Lyrics

[fighttest89]

This is my first real attempt at writing lyrics. These lyrics are designed for the psychadelic band I'm currently involved in, which up until now has been instrumental. The lyrics are based on a short sci-fi story I wrote, and I've included a short synopsis below to hopefully help put the lyrics in perspective.

There's a scientist. He's feeling pretty bitter about his personal life and just the general state of things on Earth. As far as he's concerned, people are walking around in their own little dream worlds, oblivious to the pain and suffering that surrounds them. However, he does hold out some hope that things might be better in the afterlife than they are on Earth. So he builds a machine designed to blow up the Sun, which will then expand and envelope the Earth and take everyone to whatever afterlife there might be. So, the scientist launches the machine towards the sun, and is initially pretty happy about doing it. However, when the machine reaches the Sun and detonates, the scientist recognizes all the beauty that surrounds him and wishes he could stop it. However, he's too late to save the Earth from incineration. The scientist spends his last moments regretting what he did, wishing it were just a dream.

Here are the lyrics. Constructive critiscism and ideas for improvement are welcome and appreciatted. Thanks.

We’re all living in a dream
And no one knows quite what it means
So what’s the point of dreaming?
So what’s the point of dreaming anymore?

Waking from a dream, on blue and green
Another blow, the things you know
A fatal scene, with a machine
The sun will sympathetically explode
Mercifully explode

Cuts marked in the ground, red on brown
The sound resounds, it’s all around
A steady hum, to marching drums
Going round and round and round
But no one makes a sound

Flashing through the trees, in golden green
With a machine, the end of things
You never know, quite where it goes
And is it ever really over?
No it’s never really over

Red and white collide to sink the sun
I want it now but now it’s done
And what’s the point in dying
If only I were dreaming…

[Silverhowl]

I like your lyrics, they are deep ^^ keep it up

[aic2002]

sweet lyrics man, keep up the god work, real cool ****

[Krent_Calstro777]

sweet, it's deep but somewhat pure too unlike my lyric, their a little lusty lol but i believe your lyric is unpolished, so you can crate it to be developed though. anyway it really good

[SpudMunky]

Hi there! Those lyrics are really good, I love the use of colours providing good imagery for the reader/listener, and the rhyming system through it is good giving it good rhythm! I really like this it's good!

[Reags]

SpudMunky brought up a good point in your use of colours to create imagery, and really thats what this kind of lyric is all about. Its fantastic work for your first attempt, very clear stylistically, which is hard to nail down at the beginning.

I'm not too sure what to say in terms of suggestions, its pretty solid.

"I want it now but now it’s done" - This line seems back to front, shouldn't the scientist be saying "I dont want this now"?

I think its wicked for a a psychedelic band. Good work man.