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Old 02-09-2008, 09:22 PM   #1 (permalink)
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Join Date: Nov 2007
Location: maine
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Default it might have been

i havnt written anything in a while so i decided to write this
tell me what you think

I close my eyes and I dream that I’m somewhere far away
I’m floating in my thoughts and I wish that I could stay
all I’ve ever known and felt is somewhat of a lie
I know that if I stay like this I will never fly

I’m surrounded by a hope that flickers out and dies
you don’t know the pain in me, the mirror shows it in my eyes
I know you’d save me if you could, but I don’t want you here
just let me fall and let me drown, I won’t cry a single tear

cause you don’t know what you’ve become, you’re cold and cruel inside
and I don’t want you in my life, I’ve pushed thoughts of you aside
just leave me here in my dark room, I don’t need to hear your lies
I’m surrounded by a hope that flickers out and dies

I close my eyes and I dream that I’m somewhere far away
I’m floating in my thoughts and I wish that I could stay
all I’ve ever known and felt is somewhat of a lie
I know that if I stay like this I will never fly
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Old 02-10-2008, 02:15 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Location: Desert
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It's beautiful. I like it a lot.
__________________
Where love rules, there is no will to power; and where power predominates, there love is lacking. The one is the shadow of the other. - Carl Jung
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Old 02-11-2008, 06:21 PM   #3 (permalink)
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Join Date: Feb 2008
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Wow.
This is really good.

It flows really nicely and circles back into itself at points. Nothing was sacraficed for the rhyming either; it all just fits.

awesome job =D
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Old 02-11-2008, 11:40 PM   #4 (permalink)
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Location: maine
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thanks!!!!
it's really hard for me to rhyme and not make things sound bad
im glad you like it!!!
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