Over and Done (Comments and Constructive Criticism!)

[Ninja TK]

A new song I wrote a while ago. I decided to share it with y'all and see what you think about it. Please leave me some constructive criticism. Keep in mind, the verses are rap, and the chorus is sung. The words in parenthesis are actually being "rapped" so to speak.

-OVER AND DONE-
-----------------------
Give it up now,
throw in the towel,
Its over and done.
Great game, but the battle's been won.
No matter how hard you try,
you could never get by.
Like a pawn,
I played you like a game,
now its over, checkmate.

You say these things that dont matter
(yep yep)
You dream these things that just get shattered
(yeah)
In the end you can only lose
ONLY LOSE

If I were you,
I'd stop what you're doing,
Unless you want to keep on losing it all.
You fought hard,
and for so long,
But in the end, you were wrong.
Why cant you just give in,
throw in the towel.
Its over and done.

You say these things that dont matter
(yep yep)
You dream these things that just get shattered
(yeah)
In the end you can only lose
ONLY LOSE

You know what you said,
You know what you did.
All you have to do is say that you were wrong,
But you couldnt.
You wouldnt.
Now were in this mess.
Leaving all the others with stress and pain.
What did you think there was to gain?

You say these things that dont matter
(yep yep)
You dream these things that just get shattered
(yeah)
In the end you can only lose
ONLY LOSE
You say these things that dont matter
(yep yep)
You dream these things that just get shattered
(yeah)
In the end you can only lose
ONLY LOSE

it's over and done...
over and done..
you can only lose...
Only lose..
you could only...

[Ninja TK]

Comments would be GREATLY appreciated!

[HellBellsLiveWire]

Who is the target audience for this song? I cant imagine somebody wanting to hear about how they were taken advantage of and should just give it up, especially when your writing something upbeat, as this appears to be.

[Ninja TK]

Alright, it's not really to a certain audience.
But it's not to the listener.
Imagine you were mad at someone, or maybe competing with someone.
This would be a song that sort of pertains to that.

[Ninja TK]

Please someone leave some comments!
I need some feedback ;P

[zeppelin]

So, my main comment would be that because that it's vague on who the target is, it's hard to tell what kind of emotion you are going for. I have a hard time telling if you're happy with the fact that it's over or if you were dissapointed that it ended that way.

[Ninja TK]

Hah. That is exactly it!
And yes, that is what it is implying.
The singer would be the one that is happy its over, but sad that it ended in a certain way.
The person it is "to" would be the person he is reffering to.

And thanks for the comment ;P