My LOW Mood Lyrics

[miki89]

illusive eye
dont you ever touch me
dont you ever try

dont you ever chase me
dont you ever try

i have given you all i have
now i regret i do

cant you feel my pain
cant you feel how become i,m

can you feel your hand choke my head
can you feel your heart betray my dreams
no you cant

you decive me day after day
you betray me from first day

i have given you all i have
now i regret i do

dont get closer dont ask who i,m
i,m the broken heart you watch fade away

you said i mean nothing to you with no ruth
now with everything you said idont need you any more

Dont compassion me i know who you are
you'r the illusive eye

[miki89]

come on peps show some mercy and tell me how you find my poor lyrics heh

[cassafrass244]

ehh..

kinnda depressing, it should ryme to make it less depressing

[miki89]

Originally Posted by cassafrass244

ehh..

kinnda depressing, it should ryme to make it less depressing

it shoud be ryme?!! what this suppose to mean!sry ididnt get you any way iwill try to get my mood lil high to make it kinda depressing heh
thx btw

[atmaster]

The jewel of the poem should be/is intended to be "illusive eye" but I'm not sure what you mean. Did you mean the adjective to be something like, capricious, impulsive or fickle?

The phrase "Don't compassion me" is unique but out of sync with the simplicity of the other verses. Maybe something like, "Don't try to comfort (console) me" would work better.

There are some repeated typos like "i,m" (=i'm). You could MS Word software or a substitute to type your poems and use the spell check function before copy/pasting it here.

[miki89]

Originally Posted by atmaster

The jewel of the poem should be/is intended to be "illusive eye" but I'm not sure what you mean. Did you mean the adjective to be something like, capricious, impulsive or fickle?

The phrase "Don't compassion me" is unique but out of sync with the simplicity of the other verses. Maybe something like, "Don't try to comfort (console) me" would work better.

There are some repeated typos like "i,m" (=i'm). You could MS Word software or a substitute to type your poems and use the spell check function before copy/pasting it here.

first thanks for you suggestion,,second idont use MS Word And i think i wont p.s idono who care about (i,m-i'm)i think its not puzzle any way if you know some lyrics-poem software that would help i can cheack it
and about illusive eye i worte all the lyrics till (dont compassion me iknow who you are) without give it the lyrics title(name)then i was thinking about one and illusive eye just come to my mind and i thought it would be cool ending p.s short title express the lyrics ...and ya it refer to all what you said (capricious, impulsive,fickle)and betray
btw if you know the tone in my mind about dont compassion me you might think its fit with the other verses any way i,m really thanks and i will take look and try to fix thos things with what you said in my mind

[atmaster]

I forgot that a poem, painting, song, etc can be an expression of the artist's feelings/mood at the time of its creation. My comments were to help me see/understand your intent. But it's not your responsibility make sure that everyone can see through your eyes. Someone who is (or has been) where you're at should be better able to connect with your poem.

[miki89]

Originally Posted by atmaster

I forgot that a poem, painting, song, etc can be an expression of the artist's feelings/mood at the time of its creation. My comments were to help me see/understand your intent. But it's not your responsibility make sure that everyone can see through your eyes. Someone who is (or has been) where you're at should be better able to connect with your poem.

yaa this the point i know its not easy to get other people to know or understand your feelings that you already express in poem or watever but who know!any way i wasn't upset or mad beacuse your first comment you said nothing wrong but now i think you got the idea