Happy Birthday Darling.

[Trends_&_Makebelieve]

Happy Birthday darling
sweet 17, sweet 17
I still remember the sweet taste in your 16
I still remember, honey, I still remember
But now the bitter taste of tears washes my mind blank
I’m broken down and a chords dangling on the table
a dead dial tone on the other end
well happy birthday sweet heart
I tried to reach you but you were out, you weren’t around
You didn’t reply when I put my heart on the line
hanging out there, the wind picks it up, the rain finds the gaps
like a storm it swells with the rage I feel inside and there's thunder in my eyes.
Your words, the sorrow of my soul,
left a hole in the middle of my chest
ripped out all I had to give and all that was left of me
was thrown aside like a song you couldnt finish.
Sorry I couldnt be the one to make your heart jump
I’m a goddamn failure, cant follow through with anything
I’m a failure, can’t seem to even catch you
I’m a failure, I’m a failure.
I failed. So sorry darling I failed you.

[atmaster]

Excellent poem.
I immediately wanted to reach out to comfort the poem's main character.

Suggested changes follow:

I still remember the sweet taste in your 16
I still remember, honey, I still remember
But now the bitter taste of tears washes my mind blank

hanging out there, the wind picks it up, the rain finds the gaps
like a storm it swells with the rage I feel inside and there's thunder in my eyes.

Your words, the sorrow of my soul,
left a hole in the middle of my chest
ripped out all I had to give and all that was left of me
was thrown aside like a song you couldnt finish.

[Trends_&_Makebelieve]

Haha thanks for that =]
I changed it, cause well yours did seem to make it flow better.
I appreciate it =D

[Tracy-Turnblad]

you have some great lines in there!