All The Lyrics.com       Forum       Register       Members      User CP      Calendar       Search       FAQ             Music Journal

Go Back   Lyrics Forum > SONGS > Lyrics Review

Sponsored Links
Register

and you will see
NO ads!
Reply
 
Thread Tools Display Modes

Old 06-12-2008, 12:24 AM   #1 (permalink)
Member
 
lyricsfromtheheart's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Indiana
Reputation: 10
Default A Song I Wrote that actually rhymes!

Song: 6ft under (is where i will lay)

An image distorted in my mind
I don't like what I find
Everytime I close my eyes I see
A girl I will never be
No matter how much I lose in this game
I know that it's dangerous but I feel the same
Every pound that's taken off
Its sound I still hear
It's telling me to stop eating food
And suddenly I am not in the mood

(Chorus)
It's a fighting strike
A will to take light
A might so strong it's taking over me
I don't like what I see
A pledge to be perfect in every way
If I keep 6ft under is where I lay

You can start to see my ribs bones'
And I hear the others moan
They tell me I was just fine before
but I keep losing more and more
It's a agme that you have to lose
Before a spark starts the fuse
But sometimes it's too late
and sometimes it's fate

(chorus)
I don't want to feel this way
I want beauty to stay
I don't feel pretty
I feel ashamed
Because now I see
What i always feared i would be.

(chorus)

Now i know that there are girl like me
But remember the face in the mirror isn't all you should see.
_____________________________________________
Hi i am thirteen and i wnated some constructive critisim. Yes this is my first song that actually ryhmes. Lol. Umm the theme is very close to me, and if you are going through it too, i know how you feel
lyricsfromtheheart is offline   Reply With Quote

Old 06-14-2008, 10:07 AM   #2 (permalink)
Junior Member
 
hart716's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Pittsburgh
Reputation: 10
Send a message via AIM to hart716
I like it.
It takes an in-depth look at the world of the "super-skinny celebrities".
hart716 is offline   Reply With Quote

Old 06-15-2008, 05:05 AM   #3 (permalink)
Member
 
Tracy-Turnblad's Avatar
 
Join Date: May 2008
Location: LA! I wish... I've never been there, but it's my hometown and it's where my heart is.
Reputation: 13
It's really good, but maybe a bit too direct. That makes it read more like a poem because songs are kind of mysterious and you don't quite know what it's about, if you know what i mean. I'm not sure about the line 'It's telling me to stop eating food'.
Tracy-Turnblad is offline   Reply With Quote

Old 06-15-2008, 09:05 AM   #4 (permalink)
Member
 
lyricsfromtheheart's Avatar
 
Join Date: Jun 2008
Location: Indiana
Reputation: 10
well it is about an experiance i had. I was once anorexic
lyricsfromtheheart is offline   Reply With Quote
Reply

Register

and you will see
NO ads!


Thread Tools
Display Modes

Posting Rules

Similar Threads
Thread Thread Starter Forum Replies Last Post
song i wrote today called through lyricsfromtheheart Lyrics Review 19 06-24-2008 07:44 PM
a song i wrote, please tell me what you think, i dont know if its ne good mrtsligo Lyrics Review 4 06-15-2008 07:14 PM
Need assistance with a Dance / Techno song izcool Identify it 0 09-02-2007 07:31 PM
Who Sings The Original Disco Song Of Tag Team's Parody "Whoomp, There It Is"?: Most Wanted Jamz Identify it 5 08-20-2007 06:28 PM
Summer Dance Song -- 'this is a song that i sat down and i wrote' adame Identify it 1 03-31-2007 09:07 PM



All times are GMT -6. The time now is 07:43 AM.
Lyrics | Lyrics search | Music directory | Register | FAQ | Members List | Calendar | Today's Posts | Search | New Posts |
 
Contact us
Copyright ©2002 - 2006 All The Lyrics .com


vbulletin skin developed by: eXtremepixels
Powered by vBulletin® Version 3.6.7
Copyright ©2000 - 2008, Jelsoft Enterprises Ltd.
SEO by vBSEO 3.0.1