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Old 07-05-2008, 02:29 PM   #1 (permalink)
Junior Member
 
Join Date: Jul 2008
Reputation: 10
Default find it ( advice wanted) not finished

i feel your lips on my cheek.
that kiss just made me dead and weak.
i thought of you all night and everyday.
It started out in the end of may.

you left me in the parking lot.
standing there wit my mind in a blot.
the night was done until the next day.
i wud try to find a girl to come nd play.

Find it , Mind it
Just rewind it
back to the day
that it happened at the end of may.
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Old 07-06-2008, 11:41 AM   #2 (permalink)
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Join Date: Jun 2008
Reputation: 12
The rhyming on the verses comes too quick...


Putting in "lot" before "blot" and "day" before "play" makes the song look a bit rushed... Sorry but making the song lyrics less couplet-ey would make it look a bit better.
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