Tell Me What U Think

so many days ive sat, looking outside at the water,trees, birds in the sky , smoke a little grass cause i know im going to pass away in do time, appreciate this life while its last,
take in a deep breath,
waiting for death,
as creeps in and consumes my mind,
now i feel like mass murda,
why do i all of a sudden have this urge, a evil niche fienden to see your blood drip,
down and poor,
wrap your body up in plastic through it in a dumpster behind the liqueur store, and there u have it, my thoughts are ****ed up crack and im glad it,
is the way it is, im not *****, ill leave in a ditch,stiffer than my **** is,
the smell of your body corroding in the garbage makes me sickened, but its all the product of a mother ****er named mitch bade,
watch me shank this cat cause hes ***** made,
act like u gonna shoot but your faking,
i keep bumping into mother****ers like u,
so i keep erasing, clean your slate and vacate away,
hopefully i never see the day, when im
locked away, but until then ill pray to god to save my sole,
for mind is lost, i need to fill the whole, within my brain, within my heart,
witch is my fault from the start

You've already posted this.

now i lay back sipping on some type of drink,
that gets u all kinds of ****ed up, ready to see a shrink,that's not me, don't pour out the rest of my drink cause ill kill it, please don't spill it,
im in it for the thrills ya get it,
ups and downs like a e pill,
but when its all over and your sotally tober,
u feel like the worlds gonna end, its all over,
now take a second to think,
about all the days u spent drunk reminessin on better days
that were fun,
now aint **** fun for me,
let my tears run,
let my heart bleed,
so many days Ive sat and wept about **** i cant turn back to its original state,
like my great grandma for heaven sake, rest her soul i know its probably in a better home,
a betta place, but that aint nothin i realy know,
so alls i can do is hope,and
pray,
in the mean time i guess ill just have to cope
away and keep drinking

Dude, it would have been better posting the 2nd rap in the original post because I'd already replied to that... Ok, I'll humour you.

Originally Posted by XxKciN

so many days ive sat, looking outside at the water,trees, birds in the sky , smoke a little grass cause i know im going to pass away in do time, appreciate this life while its last,
take in a deep breath,
waiting for death,
as creeps in and consumes my mind,
now i feel like mass murda,
why do i all of a sudden have this urge, a evil niche fienden to see your blood drip,
down and poor,
wrap your body up in plastic through it in a dumpster behind the liqueur store, and there u have it, my thoughts are ****ed up crack and im glad it,
is the way it is, im not *****, ill leave in a ditch,stiffer than my **** is,
the smell of your body corroding in the garbage makes me sickened, but its all the product of a mother ****er named mitch bade,
watch me shank this cat cause hes ***** made,
act like u gonna shoot but your faking,
i keep bumping into mother****ers like u,
so i keep erasing, clean your slate and vacate away,
hopefully i never see the day, when im
locked away, but until then ill pray to god to save my sole,
for mind is lost, i need to fill the whole, within my brain, within my heart,
witch is my fault from the start

The rhymes seem ok but

a) you swear too much, it's not gangsta, it's trying too hard
b) some of the rhymes don't scan...


take in a deep breath,
waiting for death,
as creeps in and consumes my mind,

What's an evil niche?
A niche is a space for something noone has.


It's "to consume" or "waiting as death consumes my mind"

And sole is spelt soul in the religious case.

Originally Posted by XxKciN

now i lay back sipping on some type of drink,
that gets u all kinds of ****ed up, ready to see a shrink,that's not me, don't pour out the rest of my drink cause ill kill it, please don't spill it,
im in it for the thrills ya get it,
ups and downs like a e pill,
but when its all over and your sotally tober,
u feel like the worlds gonna end, its all over,
now take a second to think,
about all the days u spent drunk reminessin on better days
that were fun,
now aint **** fun for me,
let my tears run,
let my heart bleed,
so many days Ive sat and wept about **** i cant turn back to its original state,
like my great grandma for heaven sake, rest her soul i know its probably in a better home,
a betta place, but that aint nothin i realy know,
so alls i can do is hope,and
pray,
in the mean time i guess ill just have to cope
away and keep drinking