i have two eyes, one of them sees you
the other sees through you like you're see-through
one of them is red, the other is sea-blue
and if you look close enough, they're a little green too
i have three legs, two regular, one peg
so i can kick you in two places while standin up straight
i have two nostrils, one that sniffs scent
the other senses trouble ahead, and gives incent
to proceed, i do not smoke weed, i dont promote speed
i just go with the flow, roll, and set my soul free
i sold my soul for free and re-bought it for a lower fee
nobody on earth as bold as me, its 3 A.M. in the morn
im pitchin a tent in the intersection, roastin smores
i hear a car honk, and the slam of a door
peek out, theres a young man gettin out of a ford
i duck back in, light a marshmellow on fire
emerge like a crazed fellow with evil desires
the man screams, turns around, and runs away
i turn around, and my tent is up in flames
i should've lit the fire outside on the ground
its too late now, i gotta get out before im found
i start running down the road, then i hear sirens
i tell myself to relax, its only the firemen
suddenly my peg leg snaps and i fall
i cant pick myself up, the task is too tall
the sirens are getting closer, i cant see at ll
smoke is everywhere, i get on my knees and crawl
suddenly theres a flash of red and blue lights
i look up to see an appalled officer paul,
all right, i surrender homey, put me in cuffs
but those who know me know i hadnt had enough
i peered into his soul, it was filled with strife
i found out some that bloke had killed his wife
i asked him about it, and said i can relate
he was dumbfounded, rattled needless to say
slowly the two of us began to conversate
debating the reasons for all this constant hate
this is it, i better make my move now
i kicked his feet and he fell down to the ground
where'd i get this taser? its gonna come in handy
i tased him then karate chopped him like sandy
from spongebob, oh shoot, that was a bad move
now we're both on the ground convulsing like mad loons
slowly i began to stand up, jerking violently
what a sight to see, possessed by something inside of me
electrical currents running down the spine of me
i mustered the strength to stumble over to his car
busted the front window, and opened the door
grabbed a box of donuts and set off the alarm
iim high voltage now, im crazed and im armed
with a box of glazed goodies and a freshly tazed arm
so with that i made my way away from more harm
forget a full moon, it might as well be a full mars

i went to burger king and ordered a big mac
the big fat manager said get out, so to get back
i drove to mcdonalds, got one, then returned
ate in in front of the counter, hows that for a burn
next i ordered a whopper with extra cheese
dropkicked it and it splattered on alexa's sleeve
she shrugged it off, said i was kinda cute
i blushed and coughed, said i can freestyle if you want me to
so i got on a table and did it
16 bars of lyrical murder that i spitted
she said i was wack, got up and walked out the door
a half hour later she got my metaphors
she drove back fast, but i had already dipped
i was at subway, ordering fish and chips

im so ill with a pen that i can write a verse
where every word is backwards and still make sense
my brain is so complex that if ever im drunk
ill just be sunk to a normal person's intelligence
forget relevance, forget sellin this, i just tell events
tryin to break the habit? here, start smellin this
you've found an emcee with unending glamour
ill listen to you freestyle 16 bars
and repeat it word for word, with corrected grammar
my lyrics'll hit you so hard in the back
that your belly-button will go from an innie to an outtie
and your brain'll be blue and black by the end of the track
if i was a transformer they'd call me optimus rhyme
i've lost it this time, i forgot the next line, BYE