My Inspiration . (Comment Please)

(I changed some bits and editted, its under this one)

Everything i do, its what you raised me up to do
I wouldn’t die ,cause im not yet ready to say bye...
And I'd never ever throw your love away
Cause you threw your trust in for me, i can’t just flee that ea-sy
You were the one that gave me hope
And told me not to ever smoke
Even if you couldn’t cope, youd never leave me on the streets
Where all the sweet treats have been steped on by dirty feets
Im soo sure that what you gave me was true,
And now I have clues ,and know what to do.
Its all becuase of you...


From changing my diapers, to helping me with the verse.
Now you listen to this song in reverse.. (ohh)
I’d never put your love in shreddings
Cause you were the only one i wanted at my wedding
(noo...)
You payed for my education
even when you were goin' through frustration
I've even called you mum
cuase you helped me become, the guy i am today
ohhhhhhh horayyyyyyyyyyyy!!

When i was beaten up or put down
you changed the frown
(ohhh)
You stayed up reading Fantasy stories allnight
Yourr love is brightttttt
and your vioce is soo polite (eh...)
too meeeeeeeeeee
You took me out of the cage
and let me fly free

You hated to see me hurt
and left being kicked on in dirt
You were the one that convert, me to the man i am.
You helped me study everynight to pass my examsssss
ohn damnnnnnnnnnnnn
Your are my shooting star
the one that i can see far above
the one that gave me love
I wont ever forget your dedication
nows this is one to you
my inspiration...

goddamit, no comments D:

I think this is a good start, it's really honest. Right now though I can't really feel much a flow, maybe it would be a bit better with music. My advice is to try to give it a little more order (verse chorus,etc) and don't be afraid of repetition. Keep working it you have a great start!

good start! write more

cool .. i like it .. keep it up ..

thanks, just added more dow the bottom