Suicide River

I recently took a suicide assistance class, and the major analogy was that suicide was like floating down a river. At first everything is coming together (in terms of reasons), then they're figuring out how they're going to go through with the act, and then they go over the "waterfall" and attempt/complete the act. The entire time they're thinking of ways to do it, they're throwing out signals which may or may not be noticed. I thought that idea was pretty intriguing, so I decided to use it. It's basically someone thinking of ways and excuses to die, and then that small moment of conscience where he questions if he would actually be able to let someone help him and ultimately save himself. So here it is, let me know what you think.

When will they all understand
The point in giving in?
Hopeless cases are no reason
To redeem their sin.
If choices make us who we are,
Then please see my solution.
What is wrong with being the martyr
Using mercy’s absolution?

Pre-Chorus:
It’s my pain.
It’s my strife.
They’re my veins.
It’s my life.
It’s not what
You’re thinking.
My life is
Done sinking.

Chorus:
Pardon me if I don’t believe
In faith within myself.
I’ve drifted way too far along
In life for something else.
No life rings go far enough
To bring me back to shore.
There’s no bright light, there’s no salvation
To show me what I’m for.

Should I be quick and subtle
Or have a reminiscent act?
One death leads to another,
Just begging to be tracked.
I have bullets, blades,
A household full of medication.
Meds it is! Declare it heart attack
Instead of my own desecration.

Pre-Chorus 2:
It’s my pain.
It’s my strife.
It’s my heart.
It’s my life.
It’s not what
You’re thinking.
My life is
Done sinking.

Chorus

When someone shows the will
To help my situation,
I want to beg and plead for
Release from degradation.
The lifeline aimed and thrown
To pull me from the pain,
Can I grasp it, save myself
Before I go insane?

Chorus

This is amazingly good!! I'm tremendously impressed by the mechanics of your poetry ...... but even more, by the content. In fact ... this even seems a little scary.

You're 22? Just FYI, I'm old enough to be your dad. And you live in Alaska? I lived near Fairbanks for 3 years, quite some time ago.

Anyway, I think you have a great talent for writing and I would almost "dare" you to try to write professionally .... please post more if you can?

Thanks a lot for the kind words. It really means a lot.

I luv it d pre chorous was my fave when u write u r really able to put some feelings through i read yr within d mirror 2 n needless 2 say it was amazin

really really awesome!!!