Haiku

Ola? I'm not Sami

FYI yes, I did. And I'm not joking.

You're definitely not Sami. But you can be an Ola. OI just sounds rude. Like "OI you there!"

But thank you for the vote of confidence. Makes me feel slightly better for being a tad daft and not being able to spell and all.

I hope you noticed that my tongue was firmly on my cheek in my previous comment and that you have many a time surprised me with your wit and intelligence at such a young age. When I was your age, all I could have contributed with was more or less "Repent, or you will go to hell"

I dont mind at all! I was only teasing hmm 2 - 3 - 1 was it?

How daft! They all said Again

Thank you, Viv, for getting the conversation back to haiku!

Elephant
Lumbering by slowly
Remembers

Comments, criticism, anyone? I opened this thread, yet I am the one who needs the most practice and work on haiku. This one does not have the traditional seasonal element, of course.

Can OI or someone else share what syllabic combinations are and are not allowable in modern English haiku? I understand that the first line "introduces" and is shorter; the middle line is the longest; the final line drives home a point and is somewhat balanced with line one.

Are there any combinations that are "too small" or too awkward for haiku? I know OI mentioned symmetry. That is something that bothered me in my original (now revised) Winter haiku; the first line was longer, and it didn't look right, but I didn't know why until that explanation.

Heating up your heart cosmic rays of gratitude guided by my hand

Frankie,

I think that it's generally a good idea to practice with 11 to 17 syllable traditional haikus, 5-7-5 and 3-5-3 being good examples, until one feels comfortable writing haiku. From there, one can explore different combinations, such as the American haiku with inverted lines, 5-3-5 or even 7-5-7. Just keep in mind that haiku is your camera with which you are capturing frozen moments of time, whether in nature (haiku) or in heart (senryu) or a combination of the two. Quite like taking pictures, frame it first in your mind and then in your "camera".

"Strict" English haiku has symmetrical lines (1st and 3rd of the same length and shorter than 2nd) and adheres to a nature theme (haiku) or to a human theme (senryu), but what is "allowed" and isn't depends on how strictly traditional one wants to be.

On another poetry site I'm a member of, we have this loooong haiku/senryu thread where the next poster uses the previous post's last line as his/her first line, and so you keep going. So the next poster would use

guided by my hand

as his/her first line and so on. Can be a lot of fun!

Gosh that sounds hard

Guided by my hand You face the world cheerfully Never stop smiling

Never stop smiling not even way past bedtime smile a zombie smile

Smile a zombie smile Regardless of how you feel Always keep the smile

Always keep the smile even if it's raining gods back in Ankh-Morpork

Back in Ankh-Morpork The sun rises from the west Pelting them with snow

Pelting them with snow Sirius, the mighty one ponders cosmic doom

Originally Posted by amaryn

door wide open
your hand seeks out my hand
total trust



is this correct?

Originally Posted by OrchestraInside

Heating up your heart cosmic rays of gratitude guided by my hand

Dear amaryn,

I aver to OrchestraInside's greater knowledge and talent with haiku/senryu. Noticing OI's senryu, this "tells" me that your senryu (top) is fine!

The reason I say this: You refer to "total trust." OI refers to "gratitude." These are states of human reaction to another's action (both positive, in this case). I trust in OI's posts of haiku and discussion of haiku. Therefore, please disregard the question I raised about your senryu! Obviously I was wrong. I defer to someone's greater knowledge of the art!!

ponders cosmic doom
giant puffer mushroom spews
small world disappears

Pronouns can be used, mostly in senryus, but overuse should be avoided. As for states of mind, just try to avoid making a judgement, stay as neutral as you can. Senryus are by their very nature less neutral than haikus.


Me & Noor went a little overboard above While the syllable count is fine, the content is hardly in haiku/senryu style. Midnight brains

small world disappears white sleep for trees and flowers frozen rivers lie

Originally Posted by OrchestraInside

Me & Noor went a little overboard above While the syllable count is fine, the content is hardly in haiku/senryu style. Midnight brains

I was actually thinking that myself...not sure my daytime brain is any better though. Are we focussing on human nature or nature or a mixture?

Frozen rivers lie Criss-crossing up to your heart Pathways of your hate

Ideally only one or the other in one poem, which is better for practice. However hybrid poems exist and are not "outlawed"... I do think that for training purposes, it is better not to mix the two until one has mastered both (whatever that means ). Obviously if the last line of the previous poem is about human nature, then the next poem has to be a hybrid in order to allow the one after that to be a haiku (nature poem).

Pathways of your hate lost in woods of love and peace waves embrace the shore