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Thread: This lyric is about a son speaking to his parents' relationship in earshot of his mom (0 Replies, 933 Views) by DeShaun
who finally interjects before the child's voice returns to bookend the conversation.
Verse 1
He labors every day from sunup to sundown
Breaking his back while his baby's alone
He thinks about...
Thread: Open your eyes (0 Replies, 1,730 Views) by DeShaun
Open your eyes be-
-fore your light goes
Out
You are not impressed by your gen-
-etics, haven't put in any
Really good time with your
Free will
You will not be procreating
Thread: Citron Lover Slowly Ablates (1 Replies, 1,475 Views) by DeShaun
I don't know if I have ever shared this, but these are the very first verses that I ever came up with after I began my journey to becoming a songwriter this past June. I remember walking languidly...
Thread: Every Day (4 Replies, 1,561 Views) by DeShaun
Thank you Doug. This is an attempt to work with the rondeau form which I wanted to try out, having first learned about it only just a couple of days ago. I found it somewhat constraining due to what...
Thread: Every Day (4 Replies, 1,561 Views) by DeShaun
“Every Day”
Verse
Baby every day that goes by
I think of you and wonder why
Still I love you like no other
You always were (a) tender lover
But we had to say our goodbyes
Chorus
Thread: Pumpkinhead (36 Replies, 11,954 Views) by DeShaun
This is evocative and packed with imagery. The verbiage is awesome.
Thread: Her Claim on Me Certified (4 Replies, 1,876 Views) by DeShaun
Thank you. Yeah, I did a horrendous job of singing there, just wanted to throw it up quickly (a wave file to be hosted) on my way out the door. I've actually been collaborating for the past few...
Thread: Her Claim on Me Certified (4 Replies, 1,876 Views) by DeShaun
Thanks Doug.
I did look into the subject matter that you had suggested I might find interesting, and it was interesting- to be able to see those statistics, so thanks for that.
As for this ditty,...
Thread: Venus in The News (2 Replies, 1,802 Views) by DeShaun
Did you find that the story translated as being about a school teacher who sleeps with her students? That was my intent to convey, while masking it behind a wink.
Thread: Don't have a name yet :/ Any suggestions? (16 Replies, 3,253 Views) by DeShaun
To me, the narrator's state seems "Bordering on Delirium."
Thread: from a dream (5 Replies, 3,772 Views) by DeShaun
white robed devotees
before that ubiquitous liquid light
prostrate themselves on the hill
i walk among them. each seems
as a vendor tending anxiously
to his own flea market stall.
...
Thread: Venus in The News (2 Replies, 1,802 Views) by DeShaun
verse
Teacher tracked me
Down like a
Bloodhound after
School one
Day
There's been a
Mistake, she said
I had meant to
Thread: Her Claim on Me Certified (4 Replies, 1,876 Views) by DeShaun
passing the time in my, place all alone
minding my business that's, when she turned up
on my front doorstep she's, all soaking wet
someone i'd, rather forget
straightaway claiming that, she...
Thread: American Holocaust (2 Replies, 1,732 Views) by DeShaun
Hey Jim, I'm a big fan of what you've done here. Good on you bro :)
Thread: Kristen (1 Replies, 1,534 Views) by DeShaun
Verse
Took a bite of chocolate
Quickly locked the door
Knew she could be ticketed
Was running late on time
Her purse was closed
She was holding
Chocolate wrapped in
Gold and white
“What...
Thread: You are me and He is You (6 Replies, 2,048 Views) by DeShaun
I like that song a lot so probably it has seeped into me on some level but I did not model this song after that one deliberately on any level of which I am aware.
Thread: Jeff Wildflower (2 Replies, 2,862 Views) by DeShaun
http://yourlisten.com/channel/content/16918933/Jeff_Wildflower
Intro
Keep in mind you're being used
While you're being helped
Verse
Black clad voltage six foot tall
Thin as a mop
Pumpkin...
Thread: The Idiot Thief (11 Replies, 3,620 Views) by DeShaun
Tomatomic, Thank you very much for your kind compliment.
Thread: You are me and He is You (6 Replies, 2,048 Views) by DeShaun
Thank you Doug, sincerely. I always appreciate your feedback. What this is about is an attempt to jot down on paper a worldview, or a view on the human condition as well as the condition of the...
Thread: You are me and He is You (6 Replies, 2,048 Views) by DeShaun
we as one are...we are not alone
we as one are...we are not alone
you may trap an ant under a mason jar
you may trap him repeatedly
each time having the advantage of
hunting what he cannot see...
Thread: needs title (7 Replies, 2,105 Views) by DeShaun
I like these lyrics. If they were mine I might title them "Think Again!"
Thread: We As One Are Not Alone (1 Replies, 1,462 Views) by DeShaun
We as one are not alone (repeat, fade in)
Verse
Source knows everything at any moment
So It never could experience fear
Source designed and dispersed individual
Points of self consciousness...
Thread: Bedroom Eyes (29 Replies, 7,137 Views) by DeShaun
OMG! This is sooo good, Doug! I love its economy and precision! You've Got to hold onto this; it's an Ace up your sleeve.
Thread: Understanding (12 Replies, 10,766 Views) by DeShaun
OPs lyrics look pretty strong IMO and my guess would be that some posters here including himself possibly may be linking threads or posts from this site somehow to external social media sites which...
Thread: The Idiot Thief (11 Replies, 3,620 Views) by DeShaun
Thank you Frankie :) I appreciate your comments, very much food for thought.
Thread: The Idiot Thief (11 Replies, 3,620 Views) by DeShaun
Thank you Doug. :) I sincerely appreciate your encouragement.
Thread: The Idiot Thief (11 Replies, 3,620 Views) by DeShaun
http://yourlisten.com/channel/content/16917112/idiot_thief
Verse
Sprinting t'wards the razor wire
I've gotta make it up-n-over
If I do, pray I don't get
Gunned down from behind
I...
Thread: Heart beat melody (3 Replies, 1,509 Views) by DeShaun
I very much like these lyrics. The message seems complete and unreserved--a despondent narrator seems to be drowning in meaninglessness. Should he subvert his heart into the ground, i.e. drive it...
Thread: what do you guys think about these lyrics? (8 Replies, 2,464 Views) by DeShaun
Thank you for the encouragement, Trueperfectionisimperfect. I am big on verisimilitude in art, and so, I also appreciate your handle.
To tell you the truth, I was thinking of playing the song at...
Thread: what do you guys think about these lyrics? (8 Replies, 2,464 Views) by DeShaun
Thank you Doug. I hadn't even looked at the traffic numbers. It's encouraging of you to point them out in this way. Maybe I'm too new yet.
Thread: sorry if my first lyrics weren't so good. please check out my second try, herein :) (8 Replies, 2,001 Views) by DeShaun
Thank you Philip. I'm nearing 100% conviction for She Drives me Crazy being the final title. I appreciate your feedback.
Thread: sorry if my first lyrics weren't so good. please check out my second try, herein :) (8 Replies, 2,001 Views) by DeShaun
Thank you Doug,
I appreciate your reply. I would go into battle with you; you endeavor to communicate. Thank you for educating me on the protocols around this forum, I sincerely appreciate this....
Thread: sorry if my first lyrics weren't so good. please check out my second try, herein :) (8 Replies, 2,001 Views) by DeShaun
you know
i gotta women who can
drive a man crazy cuz she
turns like a rattlesnake
all i'm trying to do is
get me some loving but she's
got me tied to the stake
tell me,
Thread: what do you guys think about these lyrics? (8 Replies, 2,464 Views) by DeShaun
Thank you very much, Mexico62. I greatly appreciate your remarks. I will adopt your title suggestion. I do not have a baby nor am I even in a long term relationship, much less one that is on the...
Thread: what do you guys think about these lyrics? (8 Replies, 2,464 Views) by DeShaun
i'm brand new here but i'm a pretty responsible dude. DeShaun's lyrics now:
leave your head,
look inside your heart
feel what unites us
we may be
seeing how we differ in our ways
but i...
Thread: friendship (2 Replies, 1,771 Views) by DeShaun
Well, it looks like you've got twenty-five lines.
Are you certain about the meter and shape of your message? It almost sounds to me like you have produced four distinct verses and two...
Thread: Hollywood ending. (17 Replies, 5,831 Views) by DeShaun
Dude, It's pretty good man. I can easily see these lyrics being delivered very well.