twice that: feed back plz

TWICE THAT:
I'll take you some place far away

if you'll let go and follow me

it's brighter then the promis land

so close your eyes and take my hand

well it's twice as common as our thoughts creating twice as many dreams

and if your willing to work for these things you'll create twice as many memories

then I'll take you some place far away

if you'll let go and follow me

it's brighter then the promis land

so close your eyes and take my hand

oh it's twice as blue as the sky maybe twice as long and twice as high

and it will give you twice the energy which is double that of what you need

and it's twice the leathal dose of poison making it half the leaving time

I'll take you some place far away

if you'll let go and follow me

but it's brighter then the promis land

so close your eyes and take my hand

well it's twice as loud as reason and better for the mind

and it's twice as vast as the ocean with twice as many mysteries

it's twice as powerful as love without the pain of loss

it's twice as long as memory

and twice as moving as the stars can be

and twice as soft as the sand

so close your eyes and take my hand

You Know What?

The Formating is bad but every thing else is great therefore you get a .....

4/5!

well thanks thats the kind of stuff i need what do you think i should change

it'll look better if you have it grammarized (caps and all that), you should also make it "deep" you know..... make it "touch" the heart!

ya i'll do that thanks alot what do you mean by deep what would you do

what i mean by "deep" is to USE strong words that touch the heart of the reader.

Okayy