A Song I Wrote that actually rhymes!

Thread: A Song I Wrote that actually rhymes!

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  1. lyricsfromtheheart's Avatar

    lyricsfromtheheart said:

    Default A Song I Wrote that actually rhymes!

    Song: 6ft under (is where i will lay)

    An image distorted in my mind
    I don't like what I find
    Everytime I close my eyes I see
    A girl I will never be
    No matter how much I lose in this game
    I know that it's dangerous but I feel the same
    Every pound that's taken off
    Its sound I still hear
    It's telling me to stop eating food
    And suddenly I am not in the mood

    (Chorus)
    It's a fighting strike
    A will to take light
    A might so strong it's taking over me
    I don't like what I see
    A pledge to be perfect in every way
    If I keep 6ft under is where I lay

    You can start to see my ribs bones'
    And I hear the others moan
    They tell me I was just fine before
    but I keep losing more and more
    It's a agme that you have to lose
    Before a spark starts the fuse
    But sometimes it's too late
    and sometimes it's fate

    (chorus)
    I don't want to feel this way
    I want beauty to stay
    I don't feel pretty
    I feel ashamed
    Because now I see
    What i always feared i would be.

    (chorus)

    Now i know that there are girl like me
    But remember the face in the mirror isn't all you should see.
    _____________________________________________
    Hi i am thirteen and i wnated some constructive critisim. Yes this is my first song that actually ryhmes. Lol. Umm the theme is very close to me, and if you are going through it too, i know how you feel
     
  2. hart716's Avatar

    hart716 said:

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    I like it.
    It takes an in-depth look at the world of the "super-skinny celebrities".
     
  3. Tracy-Turnblad's Avatar

    Tracy-Turnblad said:

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    It's really good, but maybe a bit too direct. That makes it read more like a poem because songs are kind of mysterious and you don't quite know what it's about, if you know what i mean. I'm not sure about the line 'It's telling me to stop eating food'.
     
  4. lyricsfromtheheart's Avatar

    lyricsfromtheheart said:

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    well it is about an experiance i had. I was once anorexic