Closer

Hi this song is about looking forward to something and when you get there everything is completely different.

I see fresh starts
digging for marks
out of the woods
covered in hoods

hit by a spark
the horror hazard
cut and undo
at the new

I saw the bars
feeling inspired
from my rove
they are few
at the new

down in the dark
living inside your remarks
living in blues
without a use

chase through the night
you broke my heart
left in the past
left with the gush
from the new

Rhyming couplets again.... I'm sorry but they don't do anything for me.

What do you mean? Sure I'm gonna edit it and stuff..

Originally Posted by Klukoklai

What do you mean?

What do you mean "what do you mean"?
I mean rhyming couplets...


I see fresh starts
rhymes with
digging for marks

out of the woods
rhymes with
covered in hoods

down in the dark
rhymes with
living inside your remarks

living in blues (doesn't make sense)
rhyems with
without a use



They make the song sound amateur

they always do...

Reminds me of Queenie's poem "Edmund: A Poem By Queenie"in Black Adder II

When the night is dark,
And the dogs go 'bark'
When the clouds are black,
And the ducks go 'quack'
When the sky is blue,
And the cows go 'mooo'
Think of lovely Queenie,
She'll be thinking of you.

I do know what you mean by rhyme couples. anyway, thank you. I'm now editing and its getting better.
Gonna repost it some day

to say that rhyme couples always makes songs sound amateur is highly discussable.

This is one fine song by the stranglers and its all made up by rhyme:

Golden brown texture like sun
Lays me down with my mind she runs
Throughout the night
No need to fight
Never a frown with golden brown

Every time just like the last
On her ship tied to the mast
To distant lands
Takes both my hands
Never a frown with golden brown

Golden brown finer temptress
Through the ages she's heading West
From far away
Stays for a day
Never a frown with golden brown

Never a frown
With golden brown
Never a frown
With golden brown

I mean it sound amateur when the song lines have the same rhymes and the same sylables.


DA DA DA DA
BA BA BA BA
DE DE DE DE
BE BE BE BE

and the example I gave from BlackAdder

and I know very well of Golden Brown, it was one of the first songs I ever heard... Yet I'm not a huge Stranglers fan.

it seems to me like a freestyle rap..

...Exactly how I see it too...

thanks a lot haha.. I lol'd at zoniq..
Anyways putting up the edit now so if you wanna tell me what you think about it that would be great.

I see fresh starts
searching inside
out of the dark
rejecting my last

hit by a spark
I feared I went too far
cut and forget
at the new

In your eyes
I'm a cast
toiling around
when I arrive

down in the dark
living inside your remarks
living in blues
without a use

reverie
you broke my heart
left in a world of disguise
left with no yield
from the new

And to the people that think this is a rap, its not.. Think 3/4 piano based :P

3/4 is a waltz for those don't don't know

hehe ..
anyway i see you have improved it a lot about lyrics and stuff..but sorry because i still think that they are too short..furthermore i dont know if i cant listen, it might be awesome this way..anyway nice try kluukoklai..i really like the lyrics..

(P.S. it also seems RAP..! (kidding :P))

haha thanks a lot! Ehm, it seems short, but when i play it the song is like 5 minutes long and stuff.. its a slow song..