So many thoughts, perhaps random but hopefully not too confusing.
Here’s my guess and take on things, correct me if I’m wrong:
I just made you pretty mad, no wonder you’re unsure and having doubts,
I can understand why you don’t have concrete answers to my questions.
But it’s only cuz you’re mad, otherwise you wouldn’t have even replied at all.

I sincerely apologize for any insensitivity, any mistake, any wrong word spoken.
It’s hard to always know what to say with such little explanation from you.
I know my constant questions annoy you, make you angry,
But if I don’t ask, then I don’t quite understand everything you’re going through.
I can only imagine and piece together but might come up short or be completely off.

Is this just one of your weaker moments and you’re needing encouragement?
Or is this more? No matter what I’ll always tell you my thoughts, I hope you tell me yours.
My apologies for repetitions; it’s because my feelings for you have not changed.
We have lots of time apart to think and be open to negative thoughts.
Perhaps it’s what others want, but what is it that YOU want?

Look at what we’re in – can others even begin to compare?
They complain of smaller things - Could they survive what we have?
Words can’t even begin to describe - It was bad enough when we could text, talk, and see each other.
Updating a status a few times a day is hardly a conversation, but this isn’t hard because we don’t care.
If we didn’t care then wouldn’t this be pretty easy?

It’s okay to have doubts and weak moments, this is incredibly difficult.
Most likely these are the toughest times and roughest “fights” we’ve had,
At least before we could talk things through and give each other a reassuring hug.
How hard was last year when I was actually present to help you through things and really be there for you?
And then look at now - It’s no wonder this is tough and we’re struggling!

Do you think your life would be easier or better or happier if I weren’t in it at all?
Do you ever wish you could just NOT love me and love another? Someone closer? Someone better?
If you don’t need me or if you’d just rather have me out, please just say the word.
More miserable is the last thing I want for you. I’d rather you tell me the truth and hurt me
Than be led to think things are ok with us if they’re really not. Just tell me what you’re thinking.

If you think I’m without my own doubts, you’ve got it wrong sorry to say.
You of all people should know my freaking out and thinking the worst…
But thoughts of what we’ve shared thus far and how much you mean to me,
And my anticipation to see and be with you again,
That’s what gets me back up and keeps me going; moving one foot in front of the other.

I’m not gonna lie – I’m so afraid of losing you. Perhaps that explains the jealousy.
Not that I don’t trust you – more that I don’t trust me or believe in myself.
I’m afraid you’ll realize I’m not good enough or that someone else is better for you;
Maybe someone else can make you happier while I come up short.
All I can do is trust you and what you’ve told me.

It might be easier if I could just let go and leave you in the past; allow you the chance to a “normal” life.
But I can’t and don’t want to, selfish as that may be.
If you’re done with me, I’ve actually thought of turning myself in and today I wished to die.
It’s only when I think I’m losing you that I feel I can’t go on any longer;
Without you I wouldn’t have made it this far. You are my hope and survival.

No matter what, all I want is for you to be happy, I’ve told you this before.
So take a good look at your life and deep into your heart –
When have you been really happy? What things make you happy? What can’t you live without?
Am I the answer to any of those questions and to what degree?
Perhaps the answers will help bring you clarity.

Once upon a time you listed reasons why we shouldn’t be together
But in spite of them you wanted to be with me and were willing to never give up on us.
I feel the same and always will. I can’t promise things will always be easy
Or that I’ll never hurt you or make you mad again – I’m not perfect but it doesn’t mean I don’t love you.
What I CAN promise you is that I’ll always love you and do my best to make you happy .

When I think about or picture my future, it’s you I see and that makes me happy.
Lately I’ve watched movies with people reuniting after time apart; seeing others fulfill their destiny,
Or just their love and commitment to each other being made whole,
And I find myself crying like a baby during the reunion scenes;
Hoping, wanting, aching for that to be us.

Positive as possible is what we need to be;
Not allow ourselves to dwell too much on how hard it is (I’m very much to blame for that indeed).
Take things one day at a time – we’ve already made it this far.
Helping each other, encouraging each other, keeping up faith and hope.
Yes we’ll have our struggles and low times, but won’t the end make it all worthwhile?

A lot to take in, I realize this, I tend to get long-winded.
I didn’t want to leave anything unsaid, make sure to get it all out in the open.
So take your time and think, I’ll wait around for your answer.
I guess it all comes down to this – What will make you truly happy?
What is and probably should be or what has been and possibly can be?

Please remember that no matter what I love you. I believe in you. I believe in us.
I will always support you and be on your side. I’d give anything just to be there for you.