Help me translate Calle 13's La Aguacatona?

So I love Calle 13. The beats, the lyrics... I can't help it (even if half the time I can't figure out their slang...). So I suspect that over the next few days I'll be posting some of my questions regarding their songs.

The first song I wanted to look at is La Aguacatona off their first self titled album... now you might think I'd be in serious trouble here because I don't even know what the title means (and you might be right...)

I'll post the lyrics, and after each line my pisspoor translation, or lack of translation. I'd very much appreciate corrections and insights! Thanks so much in advance!

Aguanta el pichón, guarda la trompeta
_________________________
Tranquiliza la bragueta
___________________
Que esa si que tiene teta
___________________
A lo Catherine Zeta con estilito
Like Catherine Zeta with a little style
Aunque un poco seca
Even if a little dry
Nadie la reta, ella es toda una meta
No one challenges her, she’s a goal
Como un trofeo en pista-y-campo
Like a trophy in track and field
Como un salto a lo alto
Like a high Jump
como un home-run bien largo
Like a long home run
Detrás de ella va un fan club de palgos
A fan club of _____ follow her
Y ella menea, y mi pinchón pistonea
And she moves and my _________
Hay que pensar en cosas feas
I have to think about bad things
Pa’ que no haya pelea
So there won’t be a fight
Con su nalgaje de alto voltaje
With her high voltage _______
Y su trajecito encaje
And her lace _____
Ella es la aguatona
She is the _____
Es de lo mamona
______________
Con su estilito Europeo de Roma
With her European/Roman style
Regando to’ el aroma por el lobby
Spreading her aroma around the lobby
Yo la vi, como bizco la vi
And I see her, cross-eyed I see her
Y me acerque en la disco
And she approaches me in the Disco -------- is this third person subjunctive? Why?
Guilla’o de Sisqo
_____ by Sisqo --------- is this referring to the pop singer?
Y me tire como se fuera un risco
And she threw herself on me like I was a cliff….

(I think this next part is Residente talking trying to pick up said girl....)

"¿Mira, andas sola?"
Hey are you here alone?
¿Hay luna llena, quieres ser mi loba?"
There is a full moon, want to be my Wolf?
¡Tengo un bulova y ando en una limo!
I have a bulova and I ride in a limo
¡Por dentro huele a pino!
And the inside smells like pine ---------- the inside of his limo?
¡No tengas miedo, soy un tipo fino!
Don’t worry, I’m the good kind (of guy?)
¡Yo bailo lo que sea!
I dance whatever…
¡Es mas, me tiro el split chino!
________________________
¿Te asusto lo del chino?
Did the Chinese frighten you?
¡No te pongas histérica!
Don’t get hysterical
¡Yo bailo como Chayanne en
"Fiesta En América", entonces!"
Instead I dance like ... ----- pop culture reference I’m missing?

"¡Ay, nene, cállate!
Boy shut up! ------- I guess its her talking? Is nene condescending?
¡Evita el roce!"
Avoid touching me?

Diablo, esto se fue de foul ball...
Damn, that was a foul ball ----------- is he referring to her shooting him down?
Es más, por la vía del ponche...
________________________
Me han tira'o con un rocket launcher...
They have thrown me like a rocket launcher?

(Con un poco de blush, agarro el touch!)
___________________ ----------- “touch” like the English Word here?
(Y a los nenes les doy flush!)
And I get rid of the boys…
(Échate pa' atrás, que mi falda tiene espinas!)
_______________ … my skirt has thorns
(Mi negrito, yo no soy tu china!)
My black boy, I am not your Chinese girl

Okay, me quede pega'o en la pista
You left me stuck on the ground
La chamaca me salio lista
the _____ left me ready
Pero yo tengo más ristras
But I have more stings…?
Voy pa' la barra
I go to the bar
Dame un shot de ron
Give me a shot of rum
Pa' agarrarle el son
_______________
Que este cabezón esta que estilla
That this big heaeded person ______
A cualquier diabla la pilla
___________________
Por mi madre que le tiro a las novias
For my mother I throw away the girlfriends?
A las casadas, y a las chillas
______________________
Voy a cien millas sin control
I go 100mph out of control
Ahora voy a brillar más que el Armor-All
Now I’m going to shine like Armor-All
Con el autoestima bien alta
With high self esteem
Porque la noche es larga
Because the night is long
Y si no se va fina, se va palga
And if it doesn’t go well… _______

(I think this next verse is his friend giving him suggestions/advine on what he’s doing wrong..)

Mira, mira, mira
Look, look, look
____________________
Tú vas mas violento que Sylvester Stallone
You’re more violent than Silvestre Stallone…
Baja los niveles de acción, mi hermano
Lower your action levels my brother…
Aquí no hay prisa...
There is no hurry here…
(¡Pero es que tengo un queso!)
But its that I have the cheese ----------- I have no idea what this means….
Mira, Bobby, olvídate de eso
Look Bobby, forget about it….
Mira, cuando tú entras
Look, when you enter
Tú la coges lenta
______________
Te das tres chicles de menta
You give? three pieces of gum
Pa' tumbar el tufo de cigarrillo
To get rid of the cigarrote smell
Primero, vela que no haya corillo
First _________
Que este sola, y si anda con alguien
That this alone ______________?
Pues, te las guillas de pillo
But _________________
Te vas por atrás, por donde esta el cargamento
Go around back where the load is…
Listo pa' revolcar el cemente
Ready to knock down the cement?
Pegadito, y lento, no digas nada
Close and slow, don’t say anything --- So this is his friend telling him how to dance?


Y me solté como si estuviera en casa
And I _____ like I was at home
Envolvimos nuestras masas
____________________
En un salad bar de grasa
In a salad bar of fat?
La piel embarra' en sudor de salsa
The skin full of sweat from salsa?
Ella curándome como toda una enfermera
She is curing me like a nurse?
Estrujando el cuero como los cepeda
____________________________
Toda una quimera, una diablita mezcla' con bandolera
Everything’s a dream, a little ____ mixed with ______
Estuvimos bailando la noche entera
We were dancing the whole night
Hasta que me salieron ojeras
Until we ___________________
Me hizo brujerías la hechicera
The sorceress enchanted me?
Como goldfish en pecera me dejo flotando
Like a goldfish in a fishbowl she left me floating…
Calentando el caldo, directo al mambo
___________ direct to the mambo
Sin perder el tiempo, ya tú sabes
Without losing time, you already know
Lo dulcecito es cuando bajas lento
The sweetest thing is when you go low…----- are we still talking about dancing here?
Soplar tu aliento con olor a mento
Blow your breath with a mint smell
Bien guayadito a lo Freddy Kenton
______ like Freddy Kenton --------- explain this reference to me?
Bueno, pero cuando le voy a hablar
Good but when I go to talk to her…
Pa' pedirle el celular
To ask her for her phone number
Se logro escapar
She manager to escape
Sin yo poderle untar
Without me being able to spread
Mi crema de afeitar
My shaving cream on her… ------- I guessing this isn’t literal?
Esto no la hace, pai
That is something you don’t do man… ---- His friend reeling him in again?

(Con un poco de blush, agarro el touch!)
(Y a los nenes les doy flush!)
(Échate pa' atrás, que mi falda tiene espinas!)
(Mi negrito, yo no soy tu china!)
(Con un poco de blush, agarro el touch!)
(Y a los nenes les doy flush!)
(Échate pa' atrás, que mi falda tiene espinas!)
(Mi negrito, yo no soy tu china!)

As a side note, is there a preferred way to post lyrics/translations... this way (line for line) strikes me as a little hard to read...

Is this better:

Spanish ----------- English (line for line?)