Dreams (first rap, opinions please)

Been listening to alot of hiphop and rap lately, thought I'd make one myself, this is my first one tell me what you think...


Watching your hopes die before your eyes,
You ask god why, but there's no reply,
I guess that's just how the American dream crumbles.
It's all about wealth, and that's where it stumbles,
It's all about the more, not the struggles of the poor,
The downtrodden, the seeds that should be sodden
Instead forgotten, the corpse that grows rotten
Stinking and festering shoved aside in the gutter
Underground making no sound except for a fading cry,
I watch the dream, shrivel and die taken before my eyes,
The food is fickle, and the dime is none,
And all the while they try to keep our minds numb,
Drugs that we succumb to, Television Pornovision minds blazed and records spinnin’
Spittin’ out bull**** rappers preaching ‘bout materialism on the mic pulpit,
It's demented; it's descended, from what it used to be, now just a memory
Or maybe it’s in lethargy. either way it’s not the way things should be

It’s hard, to keep your goodwill on your brother
To focused on you, to care for another
After all you’re just chasing a dream
We’re all just chasing the dream
It's hard, to keep your goodwill on your brother
To focused on you, to care for another
After all we're just chasing the dream
We’re all just chasing the dream

A dream that most are bound to miss
We need to recognize it for what it is
Ever-changing always manic to much static
Noise, comin out like a feeble ploy
Don’t blow it off; true knowledge is not a toy
The top 1 percent, control the pie chart,
Money makes feuds and indeed it will start
The reckoning, and sickening the dilapidating and hell it will bring
Sell our souls to the machine and expect to get in the ring
But it’s no secret, who they’re sending to the war
It’s you and me and the collective of the rotten poor
We’re gonna go out, guns blazing and get shot
And all our troubles and struggles will be dropped
And if we don’t when we’re home, we got bills to pay
Forced to choose between food or the mortgage
Have to become another money slave how did it get this way
Day by day, it was taken away, but that’s no secret
Ever since the beginning of time they always needed
Our power and our will to speak to be deleted
And it’s not time to be nice we need to be educated
But with the declining schools our intelligence is getting degraded
I guess it all starts with us, falls apart with us, being an individual is a must
Don’t be simplistic a mere statistic be monopolistic on knowledge
And maybe one day, our troubles will fade and we’ll be carried away but until then
I ain’t counting on the sickness to end

Well, this is a very good attempt at a first rap. I thought it had a nice flow and good use of multis and good use of vocabulary. I would definitely keep writing cos I think you have some potential myself. Good stuff

Originally Posted by Jfam

Well, this is a very good attempt at a first rap. I thought it had a nice flow and good use of multis and good use of vocabulary. I would definitely keep writing cos I think you have some potential myself. Good stuff

Thanks, really appreciate that.... but what are "multis"... I've never really listen to a whole lot of rap or written rap lyrics so I have no idea what that means.

Oh, basically they're multiple rhymes. Tbh I'm not the best at explaining them. Basically like where you've written "the downtrodden...rotten. I think it's best to search it up really cos as you can see, I'm not good at explaining it

Lemme explain a multi !

Example 1:
They made me bravely and brainy on the daily
Name me a lady that's mainly gon' be greatly

The sentences are build up the same way, so almost every word rhymes.

Example 2:
Guess I got to be Misses lottery
Hit it properly, this my property

A lot of people would only end on the i-sound instead of searching a word that rhymes completely.