im 13 years old, but im starting to get into hip hop. i want some feedback about my lyrics, but i want an honest opinion from who ever reads this...
at this young age i've seen a lot of ****
so innocent but i know i shouldnt believe in politics
and dont trust anyone that im surrounded with
'cause they can knock you off your path, end your life
like they got you with a hollow tip
they could be plotting ****, and you dont even know it
j. cole said stay away from phonys, because they never show it
so i dont care if you know me, just know that im not one to be messed with
imma take whats mine, on some conquest ****
lurking in the shadows of fear, so you cant see me
gotta be bold though, speak out because the city needs me
im representing for all the real cats, that arent for
solving issues with gats
its okay if you wanna bash, if you dissagree with me
im just trynna get through to some heads, speaking discreetly
just know that i aint stopping spreading the word of my beliefs
the only thing possibly in my way, is fatigue
but at the moment im filled with energy
that should kill anyones hopes that this is the end of me
aint bothered by the people that envy me
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Hip-hop verse
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This is impressive stuff.
Really deserves to have comments by now. damn
Technical ability with the multis is on point. that 6 syllable chain rhymed over the opening couplet was ILL.
Originally Posted by gvr13
"energy/end of me/envy me.." Originally Posted by gvr13
Tight rhyming with repetitions of the same exact opening syllable/sound ("en..") is really dope.
not an easy thing to do, and effective.
concepts/content.. solid, but could be developed further in comparison to your technical ability, which is your obvious strong point in this verse. in my opinion.
you're 13 and just starting out? I'd definitely say keep on with it. you're already using some advanced techniques very well. -
thanks man! and yes im just 13, i used to be into the lame lil wayne type of music. but i've gotten into true hip hop like j.cole, nas, kendrick lamar, lupe fiasco, etc. but i just never really tried to write lyrics until recently. thanks again for the feedback too, and oh imma def try and improve the contents to my verses
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Yeh, that's dope.
and to think that fools say hiphop's dead, when the next generation of rappers are set to bring it so hard. Hah.
I still haven't listened to much Nas. shameful, I know. I really ought to. damn.
I don't know Kendrick or J.cole but I'll take those as recommendations.
off topic, but I strongly recommend listening to some Aesop Rock. and some tracks by the legendary british rap group 'Rhyme Asylum'. And the track 'Wickerman Theory' by Chester P too. yep.
and don't get me wrong- your content was really good. I only commented on developing that aspect 'cos I think your technical skills with form and rhyme are already ahead of it.
word. -
yea i'll definitely look into that group since u recommend it. and i STRONGLY recommend u listening to j.cole, hes my fav artist, and is the most underrated one in my opinion.
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cool. One more thing.. not a criticism, just my personal recommendation on advancing the technical element of your bars another step further:
I think your bars could benefit from some 'internals'..
(rhymes or half-rhymes or alliteration etc within each individual bar or couplet/2bars)
I mean..
your verse uses great rhymes at the ends of your bars
..but..
if you took some syllables (or even better- syllable chains/'multis') from those end rhymes and echoed/rhymed them throughout the start+middle of your bars then it'd be a next level flow I reckon.
It's a stylistic choice though, so if it doesnt feel right for you, don't take it in that direction. you get me? -
i kind of get what you mean. thanx for the recommendation. thats what i want from the people who read these lyrics, i just want their feedback and want some tips from them. i appreciate it, man.