make a change- lyrics

everything weve done amounts to this,
one choice we make to be different,
to take control, and make the most,
it really matters in the end,

day by day were drifting further,
from where we need to be,
blinded by their rise tinted lies,
why cant anybody see?

dead ends and pointless days,
our time controlled by fear,
let down too many ways,
i wont be stuck here one more year,

if i get alive im not sure how,
one thing i know why,
the time is now,

instead of wasting my life,
i should be enjoying my time,
make a change for the good,
i wont fall back in line,

instead of wasting my life,
i should be enjoying my time,
make a change for the good,
i wont fall back in line,

when will you realise the value of your life?,
will you ever really see,
through all their f*cked up lies?

too many people,
so f*cking hard to please,
why the f*ck is everyone,
so happy on their knees?

is there nothing i can do to make this clear?
are these words falling on deaf ears?
if this is a point worth ignoring,
then you can please your self,

is there nothing i can do to make this clear?
are these words falling on deaf ears?
if this is a point worth ignoring,
then please your f*cking self,

i can see a better place,
not so far from here,
theres no need to save face,
now its all became so clear,

a place like home,
one line she wrote,
a time defining tear,
this feeling speaks one thousand words,
now we know freedoms here,


instead of wasting my life,
i should be enjoying my time,
make a change for the good,
i wont fall back in line,

too many people,
so f*cking hard to please,
why the f*ck is everyone,
so happy on their knees?

theres nothing i can do to make this clear,
coz these words are falling on deaf ears,
if this is a point worth ignoring,
then please your f*cking selves,

By the HollowedSun

this is my first upload of lyrics,
please be as harsh/blunt as you like,
constructive criticism is awesome,

HollowedSun

I think this is good. Of course I don't know the melody or word-cadence that you're after, but I'd like to make a couple of small suggestions:

dead ends and pointless days,
our time controlled by fear,
let down too many ways,
i wont be stuck here one more year,

How about "i've got to get out of here" or "can't take it here another year"? Would one of those flow off the tongue a little easier?

if i get alive im not sure how,
one thing i know why,
the time is now,

The word "why" doesn't fit at all. Just leave it off? Or maybe "one thing I don't doubt" or "but I've got no doubt"?

thanks for the comment,
ive decided to change to;

if i get out alive,
im not sure how,
if i survive tonight,
the time is now,
to stand up and fight,

first four lines in normal 4/4 in a simple melodic breakdown
last line staccato for the last beat of the last bar,

its for a rise against style punk song,
generally about how i dont like my job and i wan to do music for a living,
quite selfish really but its how i was thinking when i wrote it,

thanks,
HollowedSun

"quite selfish"? Isn't that how everyone feels when they write?

Yeah I love the change, that really does it. I can almost hear the vocal.