My first rap, I think its good, what you guys think?

Thread: My first rap, I think its good, what you guys think?

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  1. Ganjaman said:

    Exclamation My first rap, I think its good, what you guys think?

    chorus
    im living in a world like hell
    ive run out of things to sell
    things are getting sticky like gell
    and i dont wanna be sayin, mum farewell

    verse1
    im starting to lose my mind,
    its like im trying to find, something that you just cant unbind
    so i pray to god just please rewind, and give me the time
    to redeem for the crimes, by writing these lines, and touching the hearts of the people
    whose cards that ive signed.

    so why does everything have to be so complicated
    maybe i just havent contemplated
    it feels like im being hated,
    im like lucifers son, but recreated
    i look up to all those stars, their mostly overrated
    but you dont know what there up to when there not on tv cause thats unstated.
    now i think about these things, while im sedated, and my facebook gets updated,
    another chicks just making me deliriated but i guess thats unrelated.

    chorus
    im living in a world like hell
    ive run out of things to sell
    things are getting sticky like gell
    and i dont wanna be sayin, mum farewell

    verse 2
    i always wondered if i left, whether anyone would miss me,
    or would i disappear along with another bottle of whiskey
    but im still not ready to be history. im desperately trying to grasp my victory
    but lifes so ****ed up that my minds just constantly being so contradictory

    sick and tired do i get of these adults just giving me lectures
    just chatting bare **** for hours, cuz those bastards think they got the power, to devour my hours
    and piss me off slowly, mum why do you got to be so moany,and she always asks why im so unhloy,

    i eventually got insane, from all this maryjane that i couldnt refrain to obtain and then retrain
    to the high that i wanted to gain, slowly my life went down the drain.
    i couldnt bare the pain.

    chorus
    im living in a world like hell
    ive run out of things to sell
    things are getting sticky like gell
    and i dont wanna be sayin, mum farewell

    verse 3
    nowadays, we got 12 and 13 year olds getting drunk
    and smoking too much of this skunk. some of them are even getting drowned with spunk
    things are getting out of control, were all heading for a black hole,
    the people melting our north and south pole,

    wait on a while, just sit there on track
    put it on youtube and stack your feed backs
    you cant cut back or slack
    you gotta improve the strengths that you lack
    and stay away from the crack, if you got a debt you gotta pay him back
    ignore the haters there worse then bacterial plaque
    if you stay on the dlow you can plan your attacks,

    UNFINISHED.


    so what you guys think? can you give me ideas and ways to improve?
  2. Jfam said:

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    Well, I don't have much to say but I got a good feel from it in my head, though a few things need touching up, generally to do with the flow of the rhymes. A question though: are you from the uk?
  3. Ganjaman said:

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    Yeah! Im a londoner, jheeeze!
  4. Jfam said:

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    I thought so 'cos I recognised a line that is very similar to one of Devlin's in his song Runaway
  5. MoonRide*r*'s Avatar

    MoonRide*r* said:

    Default

    Ah god, you Brits

    Been there, love it!!

    Ganjaman me too, I got some seriously good vibes from this. And you wrote "unfinished" so assuming you might want to work on it a little bit, tighten up a phrase or two here and there (I don't have any obvious suggestions for anything), I think it could be fantastic.
    Last edited by MoonRide*r*; 01-12-2011 at 12:28 PM. Reason: spelling
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