New rap - Live Life

So, I've not been here for a few days, some new raps have come in this time so i guess I'll make some contributions where I feel I can help. Anyway, this is a new rap that I wrote to my own beat, don't worry if u can't get the flow because I will post it on YouTube sometime soon and post a link. Anyway, a new rap with a bit more assonance and use of alliteration as well as some variance bit trust me, this fits perfectly into 16 bars at 140bpm to the beat if it's there:

Life Life

(Intro)
Life's not kind
Learn to lose and just live life

(Verse 1)
People try take control of the boss
People cry when the cause is lost
Never fly the sky
Go first class BA127 at 5
Don't lie, no pinochio in the classroom
No bad times, don't live while the past looms
I'll show the sign, I'll be fine
Search on the iNet, show to have a good time
Facebook, MySpace, Msn, I got the life
Like, ATM wearing the shirts like
You never know who's got the oddest look might die inside at the dress code sense
More then, rappers with the hair gone backwards
Style of the dark ages
Gone to bring back the large pages
Where's my wages? No type transcript
Write on the hand, with the handwritten hand-picked

(Hook)
Pray today and live your life
Have the time and hold your mind
Life's not kind
Gotta keep your eyes big open wide
Watch the world with lust
Keep the dreams big, open just Enough,
Life's got rough
Watch for the gap 'cos life's got tough
Truth's out there, look for the light
Got dark times, just hold on tight
To what you got
Wait until the time's just right
Everything ain't yours or mine
People steal whatever find
My, own stuff and lines
Learn to lose and just live life

(Verse 2)
Shoot at the goal with a flaming star shot
Fly up the hole with a burning star hot
Don't try at home
No play with the flame, blame the mum, got the one with the large cot
Gotta keep the eyes faced on to the place where
You keep the dream, keep the scheme
Got the plan in your head
Time to go to bed past nine, time's the time past, night: nine and the watershed
Words well said, alive till dead
Work well in your mind and work on ahead
Got no cause for time, like I live in a shed or
Live in a cave like B. Laden's war head
God that terror's gone, time gone for stressed up
Pray on the people not, making a mess up
Target for terror so, meaning he 'fessed up
Tonnes of crimes to keeping his press but

(Hook)
Pray today and live your life
Have the time and hold your mind
Life's not kind
Gotta keep your eyes big open wide
Watch the world with lust
Keep the dreams big, open just Enough,
Life's got rough
Watch for the gap 'cos life's got tough
Truth's out there, look for the light
Got dark times, just hold on tight
To what you got
Wait until the time's just right
Everything ain't yours or mine
People steal whatever find
My, own stuff and lines
Learn to lose and just live life

(Verse 3)
Day to day of the running of the state
David Cameron with Clegg on a plate
Spooning the chicken
Far from the promise he gave for the living, Bear with him
He's there for the giving
Stay to stare 'cos I doubt he bears the C of the action
But S satisfaction of the conmen reaction
Don't vote Dem again, Alternative to labour when
I know that Times were hard for strings to bend
A bottle with a message send to the world then
Back up a bit and cut us down
Cut up an' around fillet steak slice profound
University help down, pile debt to climb how
Times got hard when things should be fine now
I just frown 'cos life ain't fair so I care though but I can't but got no words no got to find out

(Hook)
Pray today and live your life
Have the time and hold your mind
Life's not kind
Gotta keep your eyes big open wide
Watch the world with lust
Keep the dreams big, open just Enough,
Life's got rough
Watch for the gap 'cos life's got tough
Truth's out there, look for the light
Got dark times, just hold on tight
To what you got
Wait until the time's just right
Everything ain't yours or mine
People steal whatever find
My, own stuff and lines
Learn to lose and just live life

(Outro)
Life's not kind
Learn to lose and just live life

Ok, so I should get this beat up by the end of the week if anyone's interested. Don't forget to tell me what you think as well cos I need the help

It's good Jfam, smooth flow, interesting subject, I gave u an 8 by the way. I would really like to hear the beat, so I can get an idea of what you're trying to do, so lemme know when it's online !

Cool thanks I shall notify you. I'm trying to expand a bit more really with this. I used to basically say the same thing but worded differently and a very regular flow so I was trying out some new things and stuff. And thanks for taking the time

phat lyrics bra..... yea get that thing crankin aye hit me up wen u get da beat goin

peace + love

http://www.youtube.com/user/Prodigy17195

Here is the link to my newly created YouTube channel which contains the beat "New Era" the beat i used for this rap

To be honest, when I hear the beat and read the lyric at the same time, I swear I have no idea how to flow on it ... I wish you could record this, 'cuz I'm curious as hell after hearing this beat !

I get what you mean actually but I may record it in the future but it would have to be poor quality webcam which doesn't even sound like me. It is basically a line per bar until msn I got the life like on verse 1 where it changes up. Still, if I record or do sone sort of beat sequence for the verses I'll put them here.

Secondly, how was the beat?

Actually, listening to it for the second time makes me look at it in a total different way. When I read the lyric and listen to the beat, I can definitely feel it. At first I didn't like the beat, but now I really like it.

My beat grew on you