Clean conscious

I look upon the failures of my father
So numerous that when observed from afar
The collective resembles a crude painting
Constructed by ill turned brush strokes
Inside the paradigm of a loving soul slowly chokes
Leaving only the truth, an abandoned son,
Looking for a god that won’t ever come back

Whatever may come, the bond it disappears
A family detached far away
From what it should be
It will remain this way
And life will never be the same
The simple life has died
And the suitors pile to take its place

The bottle helps my mind escape me
Into the relaxing mode of pleasure
Pleasure that disconnects me from time
Making it pass before my eyes, killing all my pressure
Hiding it in the back of mind
All is well, as long as it remains out of my sight
Out of my mind

Never ending haze, I create this waste
Scary lonely place, falling away from grace
Feeling chances crushed, listening to the rush
Of a life I swore never to live

Control, Fallen into molds, replacing all my soul
Feeling temples fold, into door mats even stepped on by the weak
Horoscope is bleak, living incomplete
One door of escape, fear my only fate
Too bad I have to leave this mode behind; I regret this lose I know not why

I feel the feeling leave me, and the disparity fade
But there is only one key to this cage
Empathy out of my way, I have none for you, you gave nothing, I give nothing to you
The distance between us will continue to be truth
Just keep the mind sober, at the engine clean
Because everything we do in this world, is what we’ve already done

Doesn't have any structure or meter. But w/e