A song I wrote for my wifeI call it Priceless (need feedback)

Thread: A song I wrote for my wifeI call it Priceless (need feedback)

Tags: None
  1. SK'nDeep's Avatar

    SK'nDeep said:

    Default A song I wrote for my wifeI call it Priceless (need feedback)

    Priceless
    .

    V1
    There are so many women on earth but your the first.
    Woman to ever make me burst in to tears.
    Not because I’m hurt baby but from sheer cheer.
    I get excited at the site of you Even after 8 years.
    To me you're priceless ain't nothing worth the price of you.
    you’re the winning lotto ticket in my life despite who
    I've had in the past, I feel fortunate to have
    you in my life the others were nothing but some ***.
    they weren’t even half, You're more than they ever was.
    you inspire me to fight for whats mine and what's right
    I’m the moth your the light shinning bright in the night
    it's like I fell in love with you at the first sight.
    I know we fight more than we care to but like air
    I couldn't survive with out you in my life.
    never would have thought I’d be so lucky
    to be your hubby and have someone like you as my wife.

    Hook
    You’re priceless....you make everything in life worth living for
    I adore you more than then one can ever endure
    you're priceless...you're like a drug that I’m addicted to
    curled up in a ball on the floor and all I can do is ask for more.
    I'd find Yamashita's Treasure 49 boxes of Gold
    and swim to Davy Jones locker and rip out his soul
    take all that he has and give it to you
    for you baby there no telling what I would do.
    Cause you’re priceless...

    V2
    Like Golem there's not a mountain I wouldn't climb,
    not a incline I’d decline, my precious I've signed the dotted line.
    Now we're inseparable, Your spirit's too divine for spectacles.
    Bottom line your incredible to measures unmeasurable.
    your respectable, and how you turn me on it's electrical.
    Oh so sexual, Plug that in your open receptacle.
    Close your eyes open mind and picture the perfect woman.
    the spitting image of her is mine. I’m hooked and I can't stop looking.
    I'll never let you go my heart bleeds for you daily.
    Maybe it's me being insane baby but you dive me crazy like rabies.
    You see things like no one else can, your graceful as an eagle.
    The other birds are dirty seagulls, mediocre less than equal.
    Feeble minded insects feeding off of your intellect.
    That’s why they're like Rodney Dangerfield they don't get respect.
    To me, Your the world and they are just a little spec
    Because you're priceless baby, what more from me would you expect.


    Hook
    You're priceless....you make everything in life worth living for
    I adore you more than then one can ever endure.
    you're priceless...your like a drug that I’m addicted to.
    Curled up in a ball on the floor and all I can do is ask for more.
    I'd find Yamashita's Treasure 49 boxes of Gold
    and swim to Davy Jones locker and rip out his soul.
    Take all that he has and give it to you
    for you baby there no telling what I would do.
    cause you’re Your priceless...


    Copyright
    04/272011

    So what do you think?
    Last edited by SK'nDeep; 04-29-2011 at 06:37 PM.
  2. Nanashi's Avatar

    Nanashi said:

    Default

    The sheer fact that you wrote this for your wife is beautiful and lovely, dear. I commend you for showing your appreciation for her in this way~
    You have so much to say, express the depths of your feelings and that is wonderful. As for being a rap song, you could make this all your own and as long as you wish but, most move quickly with rhyme and fewer lines. If you could sum up the lines most important to you, then use those and omit others.
    You have rhyme and reason, just think closely of the purpose and point you want to get across. Personally, I like it because you wrote what was in your heart. That cannot be measured and does leave much to be said. You should have more credit for this for what it stands for, but I will be happy if only I am the only person to say such~

    Thank you,

    Nanashi
  3. Inskeepruler's Avatar

    Inskeepruler said:

    Default

    Although I am not a huge fan of rap, I did enjoy this. I like the internal rhyme in the second verse and I loved the hook. I agree with Nanashi about how some lines could be omitted or altered to help keep focus with the rest of the lyrics. Overall it is great.
    Smilez
  4. SK'nDeep's Avatar

    SK'nDeep said:

    Default

    Thanks for the reply more is to come.
  5. SK'nDeep's Avatar

    SK'nDeep said:

    Default

    anyone els?
    Peace Love Empathy

    Sk'nDeep
  6. MR.Alexander said:

    Default

    awsome man. im not good at rapp so i couldnt write something like this. this is fantastic
  7. SK'nDeep's Avatar

    SK'nDeep said:

    Default

    It's easy to right like this when you speak truth. took a while to do though.
    Thanks for your post.
    Peace Love Empathy

    Sk'nDeep
  8. SK'nDeep's Avatar

    SK'nDeep said:

    Default

    Bumped ....opps wrong thread. lol it was in this thread when I first posted it. sorry guys,
    please tell me you feed back.
    Last edited by SK'nDeep; 09-10-2011 at 01:58 PM.
    Peace Love Empathy

    Sk'nDeep
  9. orsen said:

    Default

    I like it...I did it like I was rapping and it sounded really good.
  10. SK'nDeep's Avatar

    SK'nDeep said:

    Default

    thanks I'm working on the audio for it. nothing on you by B.O.B. and bruno mars remix. hope to have it up soon.
    Peace Love Empathy

    Sk'nDeep