Some kind of nursery rhyme lol... Review it

Thread: Some kind of nursery rhyme lol... Review it

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  1. Matjo said:

    Default Some kind of nursery rhyme lol... Review it

    My heart is my castle
    And the sweetest nestle
    For a bird which won't fly away
    For no reason, some fine day
    Won't peck up all my love grain
    Something for me will also remain
    So I could sow corn of happiness
    Could alight calmy in my nest
    I would weed our garden
    From sorrow not to harden
    Affection must be watered from time to time
    With caress, because lack of it, is a crime
    I would plow our full of whispers field
    In order to harvest the love rich yield
     
  2. Tracy-Turnblad's Avatar

    Tracy-Turnblad said:

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    I really like it! Reminds me of Owl City's lyrics.
    Check out my blog of awesome stuff flourescent--beige.tumblr.com
     
  3. Matjo said:

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    Quote Originally Posted by Tracy-Turnblad View Post
    I really like it! Reminds me of Owl City's lyrics.
    Are you not ironic? Metaphor used here is dull and formulaic! It took me 4 minutes to write this...
    Is that a good material for a song? Put this text through? Because as you see, it's unfinished.
     
  4. Matjo said:

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    no one want to give me some advice?
     
  5. Matjo said:

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    Hmm I'm not native speaker of English... and I don't know the Anglo-Saxon at all. As I mentioned above. I've used so simply rhymes. Is that acceptable in English Poetry/Songwriting?