song titled 'Naked In The Freezer’s Warmth'

Any feedback, criticism and/or suggestions is welcome.

Naked In The Freezer’s Warmth – By AP
Notes: - Lyrics in Brackets (...) are screamed.

(Verse 1)
Why am I here, it’s not fair
Everyday that I’m older, the seasons grow colder
The more I endear, the less that they care
As they exploit my shoulder, their animosity smoulders
They’re bitter without reason, for my failure to please them
Now I’m so tired of watching all of their hearts slipping
Like newspaper clippings
They just throw me away
And I can’t seem to figure out
Why I keep trying to convince them to stay
Affliction from this clout
Inflicted upon me as they bleed to disdain
Breaking down crying, waiting on the one to redeem me

(Chorus)
I’d jump to a time when I was younger
Then stand naked in this freezer’s warmth
To keep my spirit from dying
And preserve all that happiness
From a time that I knew which was better

(Verse 2)
So my nightmare has started
I try to stop all my breathing
To keep me from feeling
Inattentive, with no incentive
To endure with the clock tick
That counts down with every mistake I make
A cheap twenty year old trick
You treated me so cruel, I play the fool yet again
This always happens, you’d think I’d learn after the first time

(Chorus)
I’d jump to a time when I was younger
Then stand naked in this freezer’s warmth
To keep my spirit from dying
And preserve all that happiness
From a time that I knew which was better

(Bridge)
So just give me a gun to the head
I’m content to pull the trigger instead
No one will hear this, we’re all so fearless to live like the dead
(Give me a gun to the head)
(So fearless of death)
(I’m so tired of living just like the dead)

(Chorus)
I’d jump to a time when I was younger
Then stand naked in this freezer’s warmth
To keep my spirit from dying
And preserve all that happiness
From a time that I knew which was better
Where are You when You said
That You’d be here for me this night
(And where are You this night)
(Let me feel You this night)

“Naked In The Freezer’s Warmth” and the lyrics therein are Copyright © 2011 AP.

no comments?... hmmm, must suck haha!

It reads good to me and structure looks nice and clean too. So noooo it doesn't suck at all lol and I enjoyed it. Got more?

Hey! I like the chorus very much - it appeals to me and I could easily find myself in it.

I’d jump to a time when I was younger
Then stand naked in this freezer’s warmth
To keep my spirit from dying
And preserve all that happiness
From a time that I knew which was better

Well done!

The first verse, however, seems a bit too long considering the song's architecture (because the wording is fine!) - perhaps it woud be possible to create another verse out of the ideas included in the first one?