My song with mp3 to listen :)

Thread: My song with mp3 to listen :)

Tags: italo disco lyrics
  1. Matjo said:

    Default My song with mp3 to listen :)

    HERE IS THE MP3:
    http://montroseitalodisco.wrzuta.pl/..._-_eyes_-_demo

    LYRICS
    Among those frowning brows and angry looks
    Her serene face shone like the sun after a storm
    Oh, when she raised the lashes of her eyes
    Something as if has seized my hear with a hand

    CHORUS:
    Senses struggle with my will
    Had never seen eyes like these
    Velvety, black, satin-like
    full of fire, full of life

    Forgot the crowd, saw only eyes
    Velvety as the gazelle ones
    My heart melted like spring snow
    Blood drops quivered in me

    VERSE 2
    My glance fondled her shapely outlines
    And her slightly opened lips of raspberry hue
    Oh as if moistened with a mountain due
    Her eyes flashing bright like pair of stars

    PLEASE REVIEW IT
     
  2. pq92k said:

    Default

    The second verse is well-written, particularly the second line: "And her slightly opened lips of raspberry hue". Somehow, I sense that you could add more to your lyrics. Draw the reader deeper into your creation instead of bringing them to the cliff and then disappearing.