A rap that I just wrote, thoughts appreciated.

Never met my real brother,
think his name is zack,
came from the same father,
wonder if that ****er laughed,
understand that last line?
I don't even ****ing mouth the words when I rhyme,
if I could breath under this pressure believe me I would,
and even if I could, does it mean that I should?
Maybe I just wanna ****in' suffocate,
maybe because of that you'll masturbate,
you sadistic mother ****er,
I bet you you would,
too bad I chopped your ****ing hands off, with an axe to cut wood
and if you could, it wouldn't bother me one bit,-
**** all this ****,- I don't give a damn what you think,
wash all your ****in' bullshit down the drain like sink,
turn on the trash disposal,
and cut you to ****in pieces,
without rap my life wouldn't be ****ing half decent,-
I'm so ****ing sick of this thing it's ridiculous,
I'm so ****ing sick uh this, and I know I already said that,
but I needed something to rhyme, so I just re-wrote that little line,
and everytime I get home, I just shut myself in,
and I just write these raps, and with every line I write a new ****ing sin,
if I were to just hang myself and die,
would anyone I love... actually cry?-
Probably not, but I'd rather not have these sinister thoughts
how about that prime minester caught, cheating,
or was it his son? It had to be, on some ****ing stupid exam,
and everyone flipped like they give a ****, man,
must've sucked for him, would've beaten the kid if I was in command,
but I don't honestly know who gives a **** about Thailand,
I know I don't but I don't give a **** about nothing,
believe me I don't-, smoking weed to dull the pain,
all my sick thought's I retain and just write em in notes, still young- and already a record,
yeah my shorts sag and ****ing right they're striped and checkered,-
have a problem with it, officer?
I hope that you don't,-
cause you don't know me,
and I might flip- even if you think that I won't,-
just add more to my files, but they don't care,- if he prevoked me,
make a trap like a snare,-
put it round my neck and kick out from neath me the chair,
all of this ****ing weight on me, I can hard-uh-ly bare,-
you ****ing *****, you said- that you swore-
I hope this rope strangles, till I can't ****in' breath no more,
and death- is just the waves on my shore, a beautiful thought to me,
but if I do that- there's no ****ing apostrophe,- my sentence is over,
I'm not lucky, no four leaves on this clover,-
moreover,- I'm dead,- but I didn't leave without a trace,-
a blood written note,-
now bring in the bass.

P.S. (Then obviously if there were music the bass would turn up and I would actually write a deathnote to fit this song.
I've pretty much got planned what it's gonna say but regardless, this is what I have so far) P.S.S. (I know this probably wouldn't be actually good enough for me to take the time to make a beat for it and write that note but I figured it just went with the song.)

I voted terrible.

Molo has a point.... Not bad for a beginer but needs lots of work. keep practicing it can only get. Better From Here.

Sk'n, you're just too sweet. I'm the bxtch that tells y'all how it is.

Well I did read alot of it over and re-write quite a bit realizing it sounded a lot better in my head then on paper. :/ also Molotova I'm cool with you voting terrible if that's your oppinion I'm fine with that, and honestly people telling me I suck will just make me want to do better. But whatever. Also like I said this is only the second rap I've written and I was kinda in a bad mood, so it's pretty mentally ****ed, just how my mind works. Also I think there's way to much cussing. So I don't know. I'm definetly working on it.

And that's exactly where I wanna get you by telling you I voted terrible. I want you to wanna do better because I was that bxtch telling u that you wasn't 'good enough'. Come back and amaze me.

Damm...I hit em with compliment sandwich and molo eat it up.. lol..it's cool bro,welcome to ATL...

Man Keep at it. For ur 2nd rap there's good length to it and some good ideas waiting to be cut and polished. If ur already lengthening ur raps like that well **** ur only guna get better. Come back with heat and surprise me dawg, practice practice...if its fun for u like it is for me ur in a good place