Working on new material

im writing a song..and im stuck due to lack of structure..need advice..

its my vocals..too..its like its holding me back..because i be have to much saliva in my mouth..or my stomach tigthen up when i rap..how can i correct this

I hope to make a demo tonight...Its called Relaxing
chorus is singing verse is rapping

Chorus
forget about all my plans
all i wanna hear is my slow jam
its relaxing

throw my hands in the air
swerving like i just don't care
its relaxing

verse
Im supposed to be a good guy
Im supposed to act cool cause i look fly
Im supposed to be the man with the jokes
supposed to be the man with the hopes
and dreams/ so it seems

now im sitting in the car getting all wasted
can't smile no more
looking for a face lift

if someone can add some lyrics...please do
in the meantime imma finish working on it

First of all, it's way too short to be an actual song. U need to add more lyrics if you want to make this sound right.
Also, your lines don't really flow that well. Everyone has his own style, and I respect that but I would advise you to try and use more multi's and maybe longer sentences. I also miss wordplay and punches in your lines.
I'll re-write your rhymes and try to spice them up a little so it gives u an idea of what I mean. I'll post it when I'm finished.

i forgot to mention that the beat is 1:06 long

Originally Posted by tackpic_47

if someone can add some lyrics...please do
in the meantime imma finish working on it

now im sitting in the car getting all wasted can't smile no more looking for a face lift
(Nothing in life is never makeshift so I resort to gettin Higher than a spaceship... )

god ma said she wanna hear some music cause i've been listening to beats all day
lol

I should be the good guy, the kind you'd like
I could be the cool guy but why ? 'Cuz I'm too fly ?
They say that I'm the man with the jokes
But all I am is a man who cherishes hopes

So here I am and the liquor, I still taste it
I couldn't sip it any quicker, I'm feelin' wasted
Lost my smile while my style was to laugh
I was in denial but now I try to find my half

'Cuz I'm not half the man I used to be
And afterwards I see what it 'd do to me
Still tipsy 'cuz it hit me that life is bxtchy
'nd clearly I'm in it 'til it gets my mind dizzy

While all I wanna do is relax in the back
Have a couple of Jack's (Daniels) and then stack some facts
Now my plan is to jam 'til they be like damn right:
'That man can jam like no other, mayne why can't I ?'

It's pretty shxtty though. Obviously I'm not in the mood to write.

thats cold
molo

i finished it...