this roast i made.rate it

alright so there's this kid at my school (i go to Serra high school up in tierrasanta) who thinks he can roast. almost everyday, he walks up to me or one of my freinds and talks about how we look like ducks or how our hairlines look like seaworld slides.anyways, this guy can't rap for nothing and I can easily take him in a rap battle (last time i did and i gathered a whole crowd it was so funny) and i'm makin' another one that i want ya'll to rate (tell me if it's funny,what parts might not make sense,what i should take out,etc.).please not this may appeal to a younger audience :P most of the jokes pertain to his hairline,his dusty clothes,his face,his nose,his forehead,and blah blah blah

alright yo,yo,yo
you should be killed if you're even faker than this freakin hater,
i dont need a peice of paper to show you how to meet your maker,
your in gang?well guess what im about to stop this mobster,
someone hand me a harpoon so i can take out the lochness monster,
i'll destroy you whole ***** you know you can't rap half as hard,
i'll swipe over and over like a rich *****'s mastercard,
i don't know what you come from but i know that you're from cum,
you look like the statue on night at the museum:dum dum want gum gum,
you can't give any advice noone wants to be hearin' yo tips,
you need to check yo spherical lips cuz i dont think that's no miracle whip,
finally i see the results of this little prank of mine,
i had to take my time but i got done spray paintin' the face of frankenstein,
before you say anything about digits,let me stop this hater,
this guy's a choppin' player,hoppin' on the phone with the operator,
even though i'm roastin' this pal ain't gettin' the best of me,
over here lookin' like a palestinian refugee,
fact tips:i'll give ya fat lips and cracked ribs,
then fill out your death note like i'm doin' some mad libs,
i spit rock solid and it go harder when i flow-in-the-end,
yo hairline is lookin' pearl harbor all over again,
you're speechless when i roast:i gotta tell ya to go and try ****,
breathin' in this *****'s dust is like inhalin' a bowl of dry grits,
my spit has cursed and swore like this ***** ain't heard-before,
and if you dont got no beef,i'll spit veggies for herbivores,
i'm gettin' kinda lonely here can you clown on me please?
you say you get head:how many men have gotten down on their knees?
your hairline is somethin that noone can truly edit,
people leave when they see ya like theatre movie credits,
if you dont have no future plans i'll do computer scans,
to find you head size so i can give some hairline to-ya-man,
you must've turned everyone to stone cuz nobody announced the danger,
that you look like the nine aliens in the green lantern council chamber,
speakin' of that, you shouldn't mind if i care to ask,
why you look like that big yellow monster called parallax?
dude we all know your rap carrer just ain't gone go,
you're a lame ol' *** with a hairline like rainbow road,

and yeah that's about it for that one.i have plebty of other roast raps stockpiled in case you'd like to see some of 'em.i also have a few asian roasts (i'm not racist:i'm part japanese myself) and my peeps think they're pretty funny.tell me how this rap did

lol....i scrolled down the page and saw that the rap was lond as hexll...i was about to exit but i thought it was too funny not to leave a post......lllllllooooooooool.