Monster Within Me

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hello my name is atsuma I am the creater of a group called the metal heads, I noticed your message at the beginning don't ever be afraid to show your talents here, you will get help with things like this, especially since i help people who have trouble writing songs even though i mostly write metal lyrics im good with a lot of other genres too, you do need some work but don't be ashamed to show off you stuff just because you think its bad, some one just might like it this comes from a lot of personnal experience, okay first you need to par it down a little bit this type of writing usually works where no part is repeated in the entire song and you repeat one part a couple of times, thers just too many words in a line you don't need to get rid of them mind you, so write it like this

These memories are still fading away, but they will not fade entirely,
The pieces of my heart have broken into shards,
the source of food for the monster within,
I'm still finding a way, to solve this puzzle,
One by one the pieces lay in place,
one by one you will fade away

also play with your words like this

"The memories are still fading, but won't fade entirely,
my heart shatterd to pieces, broken into shards,
the source of food for the monster within,
I'm trying to find a way, to end this horror
One by one the pieces lay in place,
one by one you begin to fade away"


some parts sound better in a different location
a little help here take this line for example:

This monster, within me,
I hope you know it's not me,
I've told you before, that I have no control,
So if you can't take it, Then let me tell you,
To **** yourself, and let me go,

put this after the part that goes

These memories are still fading away, but they will not fade entirely,
The pieces of my heart have broken into shards, the source of food for the monster within,
I'm still finding a way, to solve this puzzle,
One by one the pieces lay in place, one by one you will fade away,

so it will go like this

Why can't I just control you, Why can't I let it all go,
I want to disappear, but I can't let go of these memories

These memories are still fading away, but they will not fade entirely,
The pieces of my heart have broken into shards, the source of food for the monster within,
I'm still finding a way, to solve this puzzle,
One by one the pieces lay in place, one by one you will fade away,


mostly just suggestions keep writing and posting hope this helps