Deeper Than The Surface

Thread: Deeper Than The Surface

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  1. misscb said:

    Default Deeper Than The Surface

    The story starts off,
    Jayden pitching coke down the street,
    With hook ups,
    But no ride,
    Had to walk to get meets,
    They all from the streets,
    Malachi was hooked,
    But leaves his heart in the beat,
    Malachi is Jaydan's boy...
    So they all get it cheap,
    Ava's his sister,
    She's hooked to coke,
    But she's prettier than some art that you see,
    Like I said they all get it cheap,
    But Jaydan started loving Malachi's sister,
    So the coke charges were free,
    But Malachi knew Jaydan had ****ed Ava after a couple hits,
    Malachi stayed calm,
    Instead of violence,
    He just wanted to spit,
    So on the track he boyed Jaydan,
    And expressed his love for his sis,
    But later Jaydan heard the track from one of the kids,
    He jumped and said "he has done this ****?,"
    He rode to Malachi's crib,
    And uploaded 6,
    And kept spraying,
    It sounded something like a drum when it hits,
    He rode of heated,
    Couldn't believe he just done what he did,
    Malachi's not one that would snitch,
    But he would get some of his click,
    And upload some clips,
    Malachi came home an hour later as he rolled up his ride,
    Looked up in his house,
    Holes covered all six sides,
    Realized Jaydan did it so called hid click to dip by,
    Got some clips tied,
    And stacked the car with his boys...
    And got back into his ride,
    Malachi rolled some blunts and rolled to Jaydan's crib high,
    Got his boys and released clips as they ripped by...
    Blew Jaydan's house down,
    Killed everyone in sight,
    Later on the news,
    He realized that in Jaydan's house...
    His sister was inside.
  2. DuceDaMicRipper said:

    Default

    honestly, not a very good piece. Has initial potential, i do like the story telling aspect of the rhyme tho. Maby fool around with your wordplay a lil more..
  3. smoothtung's Avatar

    smoothtung said:

    Default

    *unload '..some clips' right? Idk I like this sh*t.. its hard to tell a story and make it fresh. Add some flare, a re-write/edit. But nice