Breathless

Hmm…not sure what key to pick, so I pick C minor. Or F minor. Or E-flat minor.

Breathless - Copyright © RobberBaron Enterprises 2012

[Verse]

Drowning in air,
My face says it all,
A steel hand on my lungs,
Lose grip and I fall

Heart on my sleeve,
Blood drowns my throat,
A quivering whisper,
My words start to choke

[Pre-Chorus]

Your presence makes love grow,
But I can't keep up

[Chorus]

You leave me breathless,
With no-where to run,
You beat me senseless,
Punch 'til I'm numb

You could make all the good things come around,
But instead you make less, oh you leave me breathless

[Verse]

Face is on fire,
Flames in my eyes,
Reveal secrets and truth,
But also my heart's lies

Love is not tender,
It pricks like thorn,
I can't ever speak it,
The words never form

[Pre-Chorus]

The stars up above,
Are free from love this much

[Chorus]

You leave me breathless,
With no-where to run,
You beat me senseless,
Punch 'til I'm numb

You could make all the good things come around,
But instead you make less, oh you leave me breathless

[Bridge]

Holding your breath only gets you so far,
You run out of air and get back to where you start,
Can't sleep, can't breath, can't think in my mind,
Oh I'm begging won't you give me the kiss of life

[Chorus]

You leave me breathless,
With no-where to run,
You beat me senseless,
Punch 'til I'm numb

You could make all the good things come around,
But instead you make less, oh you leave me

Breathless,
With no-where to run,
You beat me senseless,
Punch 'til I'm numb

You could make all the good things come around,
But instead you make less, oh you leave me breathless

E Flat Minor? Hmmmmmmm interesting choice!
But that key with Major should rather be reserved for more victorious songs, don't you think?

I like the chorus and the intro to it! Good job!

I love the verses and the bridge. However, I'm not a fan of the word "punch" in this context. It doesn't seem quite strong enough. I enjoyed this.

Thanks a bunch Will take another look at the chorus

I enjoyed the story telling aspect of this. The focus being only small has given you a wide topic to cover and I certainly feel as though this is an amazing concept! Some of the language confused me, especially "punch", but the main part added to the atmosphere to build it's presence. Structurally there's almost a drafted flow, though almost adhering to a common design that's been used frequently. Not necessarily a negative, but I was aware of it. Overall, I could see listening to this as a possibility (depending on the genre)

Awesome, thank you for your insightful comment, will regard your points made

This was a pleasant read. I suggest replacing the word 'punch' in the chorus with something else. Other than that, this was a very good set of lyrics.

Great song, but Jerry Lee got there first.