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Thread: Haiku

  1. #21
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    Your words
    So like home
    Again

    That was bloody brilliant!

  2. #22
    Moderator VivaPalestina's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrchestraInside View Post
    That was bloody brilliant!
    My first try and called brilliant? thank you guys!

  3. #23
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    You seem to have a knack for this kind of thing. The key is to take the essence out of a long sentence or paragraph and paint it with a few strokes. The best haikus are like very good dark chocolate, you taste them slowly and as they melt in your mouth, you discern a thousand nuances.
    Last edited by Guest; 12-04-2012 at 09:09 PM.

  4. #24
    Moderator VivaPalestina's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrchestraInside View Post
    The best haikus are like very good dark chocolate, you taste them slowly and as they melt in your mouth, you discern a thousand nuances in a little bit of chocolate.
    This is so beautiful I'm already plotting on stealing it and passing it as my own somewhere on my blog Are you a writer??

  5. #25
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    I write, but haven't published anything yet. I work as a translator. I struggle to feel that there's a point to publishing... Either what I'd like to say has already been said, or people won't 'get' it anyway I hope to eventually overcome this pessimism of mine and finish that Nobel-winning book I have in the works

  6. #26
    Moderator VivaPalestina's Avatar
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    Sorry for monopolising your thread Frankie

    Quote Originally Posted by OrchestraInside View Post
    I write, but haven't published anything yet. I work as a translator. I struggle to feel that there's a point to publishing... Either what I'd like to say has already been said, or people won't 'get' it anyway I hope to eventually overcome this pessimism of mine and finish that Nobel-winning book I have in the works
    Write write write! Everything has been said true, but there will always be a different way of saying it that will affect a little tiny number of people. Write it for the sake of one person who may get it. And if you have anything shareable I'd love to read. Pretty please with cherry on top

  7. #27
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    I have a few things which to my knowledge haven't been said yet, but I wonder who'll understand them

    I have a few bits and pieces in fact, nothing much - just sketches - but I'll PM you.

  8. #28
    Moderator VivaPalestina's Avatar
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    I feel like I should be moderating myself for all my off topic HAIKU HAIKU HAIKU but in the meanwhile

    *victory dance*

    I cant wait. Although I bet now me and everyone else is dying from curiosity about what hasnt been said yet #VerySubtleHint

  9. #29
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrchestraInside View Post
    You seem to have a knack for this kind of thing. The key is to take the essence out of a long sentence or paragraph and paint it with a few strokes. The best haikus are like very good dark chocolate, you taste them slowly and as they melt in your mouth, you discern a thousand nuances.
    Thank you SO much for this beautifully worded explanation. It addresses the next haiku topic! Please stick around, because this thread is not about Frankie; it's about haiku. And you have much to give!

    VivaP: I agree 100% with OI's comment about you. Also, I'm not surprised. You make short posts, which are popular. That is why you are a natural! I write/speak far too many words and multi-syllabic words [will address on my next discussion]. That's why I NEED to practice haiku, to find those delicious dark chocolate bits! (One piece of dark chocolate beats a bowl full of milk chocolate!)

    I'm glad you two have become more acquainted here. Your discussion is about haiku and each other's writings. To me, you are still on topic. Please continue to visit the haiku thread sharing your art, ideas, and information, which will encourage others to try! It's not hard. It just takes courage the first time, right Viv?

    Very good haiku is more than brevity; it's choosing the word essence, which you and O.I. do well.
    Very good haiku is exactly as O.I. explained above!! I am working toward that goal.
    My haikus are in need of improvement--practice, practice, practice!

  10. #30
    Moderator VivaPalestina's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by Frankie Jasmine View Post
    VivaP: I agree 100% with OI's comment about you. Also, I'm not surprised. You make short posts, which are popular. That is why you are a natural!


    I can write long poems too haha thank you guys. Are we meant to practise on this thread or leave this one for teaching purposes?

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  12. #31
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by VivaPalestina View Post


    I can write long poems too haha thank you guys. Are we meant to practise on this thread or leave this one for teaching purposes?
    Oh, please do practice here! Practicing, encouragement, discussion, (and constructive criticism, if requested by the writer) of haiku is what I hope for this thread. It would be so boring to be just words about haiku!! "A picture is worth a thousand words" applies to haiku's "picture" also!!

  13. #32
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by OrchestraInside View Post

    Hazel grove
    barren branches:
    December.

    BTW, I love this haiku. And it is pertinent to the season we're in. It reminds of France and Van Gogh . . . Just two of the lovely "tastes" I perceived from this dark chocolate bit!

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  15. #33
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    Further experimentation, this time an introspective 4-6-3 senryu. Punctuation isn't normally used at all, here I make a very conscious choice to use lots of it As y'all no doubt know, "hai" is Japanese for "yes".


    Hai! Hai! Haiku!
    You Kung-fu poetry!
    Punch my heart!




    hai·ku (hk)
    n. pl. haiku also hai·kus
    [Japanese : hai, amusement (from Middle Chinese bij, pha·j) + ku, sentence (from Middle Chinese kuh).]
    Last edited by Guest; 12-06-2012 at 01:19 AM.

  16. #34
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    O.I., Thanks for making me laugh! Excellent play on words! Also, thank you for "breaking the rules" with punctuation. I didn't consciously remember there was no punctuation with haiku . . . but it felt "right" without. I also used punctuation within one of mine, ending ... " rocks, Gone".

    Use of punctuation is allowed on this haiku thread, along with other flexibility!

    _ _ _ _ _


    P.S. Re: "hai" = Yes, I did know it from a friend who went to Japan with no knowledge at all of the spoken language. When he tried a telephone call to someone, using simple English, the person kept responding "hai!" with each question he asked:

    Friend: Is this the home of ____?
    Answerer: "hai"
    Friend: Hello, is this the home of _____?
    Answerer: "hai!"
    Friend: Hi. This is so-&-so. Does ____ live there?
    Answerer: "HAI!"

    Then he explained that he later learned "hai" was "yes"!! Funny--but maybe it was one of the "had to have been there" kind of stories!!
    Last edited by Frankie Jasmine; 12-06-2012 at 08:43 PM.

  17. #35
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    Incidentally, 'hai' is also Finnish for 'shark', borrowed from the Swedish 'haj' (shark), and the preferred form of 'hello' by Finnish gypsies (standard Finnish is 'hei' [/:hey/]'). Pronounced as the Japanese word, just flatter and with less enthusiasm

    Punctuation is sometimes used as a form of [URL="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kireji"]kireji[/URL] - to indicate a 'cut' in the poem, a verbal pause between the two ideas/notions/images juxtaposed. Here, the colon acts as kireji:

    In the air
    scented seeds of spring:
    winter's death

    ...not that one needs to take any heed of this when experimenting with haikus/senryus! Just let the words fly and see where they land.
    Last edited by Guest; 12-07-2012 at 05:07 AM.

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  19. #36
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    O.I., you seem to be able to easily write haiku. Could you please demonstrate some other examples of [url="http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Kireji"]kireji[/url]? Perhaps in some varied ways, to drive home the "cut" idea?

  20. #37
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    Well, kireji is probably one of the more difficult parts of traditional Japanese poetry. Often when translated, it is simply omitted in English. Most punctuation marks in English haikus would be considered kirejis, but a word can serve the same purpose. In this 5-7-5 haiku, yet acts as a mid-kireji, separating two opposing descriptions of the third line. To help count the syllables, I have separated them with hyphens here. If there are no hyphens in a word, it only contains a single syllable.

    ri-ding from the West
    me-na-cing yet shi-ning white
    clouds of chan-ging times

    A more common usage of kireji in English would be something like this. Here, the kireji is the dash, and the point with it is to make the reader stop for a heartbeat, to contemplate the dying roots, before moving on.


    dy-ing roots —
    prey of win-ter frost
    fal-len oak
    Last edited by Guest; 12-08-2012 at 02:13 AM.

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  22. #38
    Senior Member amaryn's Avatar
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    Quote Originally Posted by VivaPalestina View Post
    Sorry for monopolising your thread Frankie



    Write write write! Everything has been said true, but there will always be a different way of saying it that will affect a little tiny number of people. Write it for the sake of one person who may get it. And if you have anything shareable I'd love to read. Pretty please with cherry on top
    may I join that chorus line, Viva!? Well said!

  23. #39
    Senior Member amaryn's Avatar
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    somberness

    dead-end-street

    suicide


    (own first try,guys)

  24. #40
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    That doesn't sound amaryn'ish at all, but it works very well. I would prefer 'cul-de-sac' on the second line, sounds more poetic

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