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Thread: Haiku

  1. #81
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    Waves embrace the shore
    Kisses each grain of warm sand
    Drag away their prey
    Last edited by Frankie Jasmine; 12-15-2012 at 04:49 PM.

  2. #82
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    I suppose you meant to say "drag away their prey"? Since we're talking about waves in plural? I shall assume so, and I choose to let the next poster begin with a 3-syllable line by means of a 5-7-3 haiku, hoping to see some nice, firmly nature-themed 3-5-3'ish haikus:

    Drag away their prey
    tides of time do ruthlessly -
    silent sea

  3. #83
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    Thank you for the correction, OI.

  4. #84
    Moderator VivaPalestina's Avatar
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    I've always thought nature much harder to do - i'd want to use scenery to describe human attributes, but in haiku they just describe...the scenery itself

    Silent sea
    Glitters in the night
    Crashing wave

  5. #85
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    Sometimes, if done just so, the workings of nature can be applied (implied) to human experience. But don't ask me to do it!

    3 - 5 - 3 haiku with nature and human elements:



    Crashing waves
    Foaming white water
    Forms a smile

  6. #86
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    Noor, a traditional Japanese haiku is a picture, something like this:

    japanese-art.jpg

    It is supposed to simply paint a vista with as few syllables as possible. Bare and plain.

    This is a famous haiku by Natsume Soseki (14th century):

    Over the wintry
    forest, winds howl in rage
    with no leaves to blow.

    ...and to continue the thread...

    Forms a smile
    September sun does
    as we die

  7. #87
    Moderator VivaPalestina's Avatar
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    As we die
    pathway of heaven
    greets us

  8. #88
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    You're a lot into pathways, Noor Beautiful trees, thanks for sharing! And now I only get 2 syllables to start with

    ...I give you... 2-4-2!

    Greets us
    Hades alone
    lonely
    Last edited by Guest; 12-16-2012 at 07:23 AM.

  9. #89
    Moderator VivaPalestina's Avatar
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    Wondered when you'd figure it out I'm still searching for my pathway you see, so I like to see it everywhere. In my mind I started off with something completely different...but I dont know what happened, my subconscious took no heed.

    Lonely
    willows stand,
    silent

  10. #90
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    Silly subconscious, I shudder to think what'll pop out next

    I really like your last one. Very, very good!

    silent
    grieving heart
    graveyard

  11. #91
    Moderator VivaPalestina's Avatar
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    Thank you!
    Are you trying to tempt my subconscious back with this graveyard business? I have a question, for asymmetrical haiku/senryu, is the last line always less than the first?

    Graveyard:
    endless rows
    watching

  12. #92
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    No, thinking about those dead children and their relatives.

    It often is, but always?... Can't say I know. In fact, there are a few famous Japanese examples where the last line is longer, so go figure.

    watching
    heavens are
    serene

  13. #93
    Moderator VivaPalestina's Avatar
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    serene
    quiet falls
    here

  14. #94
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    We'll soon end up with one syllable per line

    here
    for you
    love

    (Just think how many different meanings such a tiny poem can have!)

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    Frankie Jasmine (12-16-2012)

  16. #95
    Moderator VivaPalestina's Avatar
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    I'm trying to stretch you and see how you'll introduce more syllables and stuff

    Love
    A rose
    Blooms


  17. #96
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    Ha, you can try! I think we ought to avoid singular verbs on the last line. It imposes too great limits on the following poem. If you have to use a verb on the last line, please don't use a singular form Can't require it of course but I'd prefer things that way...

    Blooms
    withered
    hope

  18. #97
    Moderator VivaPalestina's Avatar
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    Would roses // bloom have been better?

  19. #98
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    I like the content better as a singular (love as a singular). A matter of taste; my remark was more general in nature - we've had a few poems now with a singular verb on the last line. It requires a single subjective in the next poem, which is a bit too narrow for my taste

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    Frankie Jasmine (12-16-2012)

  21. #99
    Senior Member Frankie Jasmine's Avatar
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    Shall we try to get back to more syllables at the end? Of course, the one-word beginning and end haiku have been very good anyway--e.g., the multi-meaning "love" one. Also, I'll try to get a plural ending somehow . . . ?


    Hope
    Spring grass
    Emerging

  22. #100
    Guest
    Guest

    Gerunds (-ing) are decent, thanks Frankie. I feel that simple plurals give the most wiggle room (in this case, "emerge") as you can use it in a number of ways. And of course we can work our way towards more syllables Still, it was fun to try as few as possible. I really like my 'love' poem, it's powerful and very concise, and even the seriously good guys over at the poetry forum thought it was seriously good. Probably my best haiku/senryu to date (unless one would prefer to date me instead ).

    Emerging
    wings from Southern seas
    melting ice
    Last edited by Guest; 12-16-2012 at 08:01 PM.

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